Really Desperate Housewife

Update (1/29/07): Brandy Britton committed suicide over the weekend according to a report by the Baltimore Sun.

Last week a hooker got arrested in Ellicott City. It made all the local news channels. It was covered by the Baltimore Sun and the Washington Post. It has made national wire services reports. Why is it news? Because the woman is 41 years old, has a PhD, and was “working” out of her very suburban colonial house on a quiet residential cul de sac. Her name is Brandy Britton and Brandy does appear to be her real name since it is on all her NIH grant applications. Her hooker name was Alexis Angel. Not much of an improvement. I would have stayed with Brandy.

Howard County is a sleepy suburban community just outside of Baltimore but within commuting distance of DC. The per capita personal income is $45,000 a year, exceeding the national average by 50%. It pretty much defines the middle American suburban ideal. The primary selling point is the excellent school system (full disclosure: my wife works for it) which drives up the property values of the area.

Madam Professor, as one blog has already dubbed her, lives in a particularly desirable location because kids in her neighborhood go to the highest performing high school in the highest performing county in the state. The neighborhood is well established with wide sidewalks and huge shade trees. On the weekends, I frequently ride my bicycle right past her neighborhood completely oblivious to the pleasures that would await me if I just turned in and spun my tires for awhile.

Except she’s just a little out of my price range. Her published rate is $300 per hour or $1500 overnight. The undercover cop that busted her was told to leave $400 on the dresser. He must have pre-negotiated some additional services. That’s a lot of money. Ironically, the same day, the Post ran an article next to this story stating that the going rate in the predominately Hispanic neighborhoods of adjoining Montgomery County is $30 for a 15 minute window.

So what makes her worth three Benjamins a throw? According to her very not–safe-for-work web page, she’s blond, 5’8, 135 pounds, and a natural 38D. She underplays the 41 years old part. And did I mention she has a PhD? She sure does. She got one in Sociology from the University of California at San Francisco and was working at a local college until she was involved in some sort of work dispute there.

Which leads into the “why turn tricks?” question. Easy. To pay the mortgage. She’s divorced, unemployed, and lives in a house she bought in 1996 for $256,000. The house is currently appraised at 400 grand, and knowing that neighborhood, the tax appraisal is well on the low side. It is getting very tough to find any single family homes in Howard County for less than a half-mil, especially one in her prime location.

I can’t wait for this media frenzy to really get going. White middle-aged upscale call girl is a ready-made topic for any of the daytime talk shows. I smell magazine articles, Dateline stories, maybe even a Lifetime™ movie-of-the-week. Remember you heard about her first here. And I will keep you updated. Trust me on that. Ellicott City doesn’t have much crime, but what it does have sure is fun to watch.

Update (5/21/06): The Washington Post ran a long article on Brandy and I post some new information here.

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