Fast Food Nation

Fast food is justly much maligned. It’s greasy, bland, and high in calories. But when you are traveling, it is sometimes the only option. On these occasions, I invoke Yellojkt’s Rule For Picking A Fast Food Chain:

When choosing between two nationally franchised chains, go to the one that has their closest branch furthest from your house.

For example, the nearest McDonalds is about a mile and a half from my house and the nearest Chick-Fil-A is about three miles from my house. Given a choice between those two, my rule says to eat at the Chick-Fil-A. Since the nearest chain to my house is a McDonalds, the McDonald’s Corollary is:

Never eat at a McDonald’s if you have another choice.

The best part of this rule is that on long distance trips, it allows me to sample some regional chains that I normally don’t get to eat at.

On the second day of our trip, after another unscheduled sidetrip to the Air Force Museum, my wife had a craving for spaghetti mac. We got directions to a Skyline Chili, so we could have the chain version of this regional specialty. Skyline Chili was actually not true fast-food since a waitress took orders and delivered food and payment was made upon leaving, diner style. Still, the architecture and prices screamed franchise. I had my chili with spaghetti “three-way” which doesn’t mean what you think it does. It came smothered in shredded cheddar cheese and was both delicious and filling.

Our other “must-do” fast food was In-N-Out, a California regional chain that has a near cult following. When we picked up our son in Palo Alto, we told him we were having lunch at the first In-N-Out we found. He groaned and rolled his eyes. It seems there was one just off the Stanford campus that he had been to a good half dozen times. We found one on I-5 north of Bakersfield at an exit that seemed to exist just to feed hungry travelers. The In-N-Out was packed with a line out the door. The retro red and white décor is meant to emulate an old time hamburger stand and the very simple limited menu mirrors that aesthetic. My son had learned how to order fries “animal style” which included onions and cheese and who knows what else.

Crossing West Texas is a lot of nothing and eating was a take it or leave it prospect. Fortunately we found a Sonic Drive-Thru in Fort Stockton. My son fell in love with Sonic in Oklahoma last year and there are none near us. Their gimmick twist on the burger place is that it is car service with no indoor dining. You order at a speaker under an awning and the food is brought to you. You even pay at a card swiper built into the speaker. Even though it was noon and the thermometer was flirting with three digits, we were very comfortable eating in the car as a light breeze blew through the rolled down windows.

Our final fast food indulgence was when we found a White Castle just off the highway in Nashville. White Castle has been on my son’s must-eat list since he saw “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle” last year (and I hope that is the only craving he took away from that film). We were actually on our way to Rotier’s for dinner, but we stopped to let him have some cheeseburger slyders. Once there, I was intrigued enough to give the Chicken Rings (which strikes me as a very scary concept) a try. They were tasty with a heavy ranch flavor and meat which may have been a chicken at one time, but was now just stringy protein fiber.

So not counting a few stops at Starbucks, we managed to travel fifteen days and only ate fast food a few times. And when we did, they managed to be unique regional variations on America’s contribution to the world culinary experience, the homogenized processed fast food chain. I avoid fast food when I can, but if I’m ever near any of these chains again, I’m making a stop.

Blatant Comment Whoring™: What fast food places do you actually like?