NCCCC - Hottest CILF Comics Division

The second weekend of hot, and I do mean hot, National Coolest Comics Character Competition. We have covered teenagers and little kids and now it's time for the grown-ups. We are now looking for the the hottest CILF (Comic I would Like..., oh, go rent American Pie if you don't get it) in the intentionally funny comic strips. And sorry ladies, no men made the cut. Maybe next year we can do Hunkiest Closet Case. First off, let’s clarify who is not eligible in this category: The entire female cast of Liberty Meadows. Jen, et. al., while the best drawn GGA-style characters ever to grace the funny pages have been gone from the first run newspaper comics for several years. Fanboys can roll up their tongues and move on. The no dead comics rule also takes out Daisy Mae from L’il Abner. Moving on, let’s take a look at the hawtest girls in the funny papers. Blondie Blondie Pro: With mammaries that make Barbie look like a double masectomy victim, Blondie has been raising the temperature of the comics page since the days of bathtub gin. She has been many a young reader’s first clue that boys and girls are different. Con: She’s getting a little long in the tooth and the hairstyle makes the Apartment 3G girls look contemporary. Edda 9 Chickweed Lane Pro: Edda is a young hottie living in the city with a hunky gay roommate, but still fixated on her hometown dorky musician beau. She spends a lot of time stretching in her ballet tights and lounging around suggestively. Arguably the horniest strip in print. Con: The whiff of jailbait is unavoidable. She started life in the comics as a teenage Catholic school girl and the will-she/won’t-she routine is getting tedious. Vicki Rose Is Rose Pro: While Rose is just another comic mom of a cute kid, she has a biker bar alter ego that makes leather look very attractive at a PTA meeting. We all have a wild side and Rose’s is wilder than most. Con: Vicki just doesn’t show up very often. She needs to ditch Jim and run off with Sally Forth on a Thelma and Louise rampage. Miss Buxley Beetle Bailey Pro: Miss Buxley is the dumb blonde to beat all dumb blondes. As the only attractive female on a military base, she draws enough attention to keep a sexual harassment lawyer busy for years. Con: Some people like their women on the dim side. I don’t. The constant nail filing and complete obliviousness make her no less an offensive stereotype than anyone else at Camp Swampy. Aunt Fritzi Nancy Pro: Nearly as old as Blondie, but recently redone to emphasize her vintage good looks. Con: The stylistic juxtaposition between Fritzi and Nancy is jarring enough to induce nausea. Toni Daytona Luann Pro: Toni is a cock-tease par excellence. She has managed to string herself along as Brad's stalker obsession into a recurring character. Her on-again/off-again relationship with abuser/boyfriend Dirk just adds to her slutty but unattainable vibe. Con: In the Luanniverse, Brad is stuck with blue balls for decades to come. Just what she sees in him is inexplicible to all except the pervy wish-fulfilment mind of Greg Evans. Cathy Cathy Pro: Okay, I threw her in as a ringer just to take the sexual tension down a notch. Nevertheless, some guys are chubby chasers. Maybe she is fantastic in the sack. Obviously she had something going for her to finally land Irving. Con: The sight of Cathy in fishnets is enough to deflate any man. So vote with your heart, or whatever organ you are evaluating the comics with and explain why in the best PG-13 language you can muster.