Saturday, March 24, 2007

NCCCC - Hottest CILF Comics Division


The second weekend of hot, and I do mean hot, National Coolest Comics Character Competition. We have covered teenagers and little kids and now it's time for the grown-ups. We are now looking for the the hottest CILF (Comic I would Like..., oh, go rent American Pie if you don't get it) in the intentionally funny comic strips. And sorry ladies, no men made the cut. Maybe next year we can do Hunkiest Closet Case.

First off, let’s clarify who is not eligible in this category: The entire female cast of Liberty Meadows. Jen, et. al., while the best drawn GGA-style characters ever to grace the funny pages have been gone from the first run newspaper comics for several years. Fanboys can roll up their tongues and move on. The no dead comics rule also takes out Daisy Mae from L’il Abner. Moving on, let’s take a look at the hawtest girls in the funny papers.

Blondie
Blondie


Pro: With mammaries that make Barbie look like a double masectomy victim, Blondie has been raising the temperature of the comics page since the days of bathtub gin. She has been many a young reader’s first clue that boys and girls are different.Con: She’s getting a little long in the tooth and the hairstyle makes the Apartment 3G girls look contemporary.
Edda
9 Chickweed Lane



Pro: Edda is a young hottie living in the city with a hunky gay roommate, but still fixated on her hometown dorky musician beau. She spends a lot of time stretching in her ballet tights and lounging around suggestively. Arguably the horniest strip in print.Con: The whiff of jailbait is unavoidable. She started life in the comics as a teenage Catholic school girl and the will-she/won’t-she routine is getting tedious.
Vicki
Rose Is Rose



Pro: While Rose is just another comic mom of a cute kid, she has a biker bar alter ego that makes leather look very attractive at a PTA meeting. We all have a wild side and Rose’s is wilder than most.Con: Vicki just doesn’t show up very often. She needs to ditch Jim and run off with Sally Forth on a Thelma and Louise rampage.
Miss Buxley
Beetle Bailey



Pro: Miss Buxley is the dumb blonde to beat all dumb blondes. As the only attractive female on a military base, she draws enough attention to keep a sexual harassment lawyer busy for years.Con: Some people like their women on the dim side. I don’t. The constant nail filing and complete obliviousness make her no less an offensive stereotype than anyone else at Camp Swampy.
Aunt Fritzi
Nancy



Pro: Nearly as old as Blondie, but recently redone to emphasize her vintage good looks.Con: The stylistic juxtaposition between Fritzi and Nancy is jarring enough to induce nausea.
Toni Daytona
Luann



Pro: Toni is a cock-tease par excellence. She has managed to string herself along as Brad's stalker obsession into a recurring character. Her on-again/off-again relationship with abuser/boyfriend Dirk just adds to her slutty but unattainable vibe.Con: In the Luanniverse, Brad is stuck with blue balls for decades to come. Just what she sees in him is inexplicible to all except the pervy wish-fulfilment mind of Greg Evans.
Cathy
Cathy




Pro: Okay, I threw her in as a ringer just to take the sexual tension down a notch. Nevertheless, some guys are chubby chasers. Maybe she is fantastic in the sack. Obviously she had something going for her to finally land Irving. Con: The sight of Cathy in fishnets is enough to deflate any man.


So vote with your heart, or whatever organ you are evaluating the comics with and explain why in the best PG-13 language you can muster.


49 comments:

DemetriosX said...

I went for Edda here, keeping with my early prediction. Admittedly, she's a little too perfect, but she's got it all: looks, legs, brains, and a thing for geeks. I thought briefly about writing in her mother Juliet, but I really don't go for jungle-print undies.

As for the competition, Blondie is VERY long in the tooth. Major minus points for being a zombie comic (which also affects Miss Buxley and Aunt Fritzi). Plus she wears way too much makeup.

Vicki the biker is one I wouldn't have thought of, but an interesting choice. Maybe a little too wild for me, I'm not the sort to drop everything and hit the highway.

Miss Buxley, another zombie, again with too much makeup (though better applied than Blondie), and dumb as a box of rocks. There just aren't many plus points here.

Aunt Fritzi is yet another zombie. I'm just not familiar enough with Nancy to judge. Actually, in the Nancyverse isn't she some kind of bizarre freak?

Toni Daytona is pretty hot, but she obviously has some psychological problems, the way she keeps going back to abusive boyfriend Dirk.

Cathy. Cathy!? All I can say is AAACK!

The sad thing is that until not too long ago, Elizabeth Patterson could have been in this list and I might have picked her (girl nextdoor vibe). But she has become such a pathetic loser that no one would touch her.

Claude said...

Yeah, I kind of wondered why Elizabeth Patterson wasn't there. But then I remembered that this is the "Funny" Comics division.

DemetriosX said...

@ claude

Yeah, but yello DID include Cathy...

Richard said...

C'mon, its gotta be Blondie - on top of everything else, she cooks!

Mooselet said...

I'm going with Vicki - blondes just don't do it for me, and I rule out Aunt Fritzi because all I would think about is her annoying niece. I like Vicki because I like to think inside of every daggy mother is a hot vixen waiting to escape.

kiskutyus said...

Heart's mom. Darn it!

yellojkt said...

mooselet, I think you and I are the only Vicki fans.

kiskutyus, Heart's mom is very cute and definitely a C-MILF, I just don't think Tatulli plays up the sexuality, but that is probably a good thing.

Karen said...

I'll put in a vote for Denise, the blind girlfriend in Zits. And I don't have time to look it up so if I got the name wrong, just throw out my vote. I'm a comics retard, anyway. Denise has intelligence, good sense and has just the right sensibility to lead the teenage boy down the road to love. She knows when the moment has come for the first kiss and she is able to engineer it so that nobody is embarrassed. I found her to be an extremely effective character that evoked real feelings. You can also throw out my vote on the basis that she is long gone--I just don't read the comics faithfully. Why am I even here? Oh, yeah, it's to congratulate you on having passed your intelligence on to the next generation. Way to go, yellojkt and yj, Jr.!!

Pendragon said...

Denise is from Foxtrot but is a great candidate!

Stranger said...

i thought this would be an easy one, but it turns out its not...

Blondie wins my vote because she doesn't seem to flaunt her striking beauty, while Edda seems to enjoy winding you up just to remind herself she still has it.

I'd forgotten about Fritzi. If she was on my daily list, she might would have won me over. But the fact that she makes everything else in the strip look like stick figures is a little too jarring.

DemetriosX said...

Denise from Foxtrot is also underage, and therefore not eligible. This is a family competition.

Jose Pluma said...

I vote for Abby in "Edge City," smart and pretty both, my kind of...uh...comic character.

Stranger said...

Miss Buxley is vamping for votes with today's outfit (3/28).

yellojkt said...

stranger,
Miss B does look particularly slutty in that. I wish I had that picture when I was putting together that post.

TB Tabby said...

I'm nominating Lois Flagston as a write-in, because she really should've been one of the nominations in the first place. How did CATHY get nominated over her?!

bubujin said...

Out of this bunch, I had to go with Edda. Perhaps it puts me in the perv category for going for the young and nubile, but it was the combination of qualities so well stated by Demetriosx. That and her pretty cool superheroine persona that comes forth once in a while--Superlative Girl I think it is.

bubujin said...

Oh, and Vicki (never even realized Rose's alter ego even had a name) is certainly a worthy candidate. We don't see enough of her though so that put her down the list for me.

Bill James said...

Brandy from "Liberty Meadows".

Anonymous said...

I don't know, yellojkt, I think that Cassandra Cat is pretty hot in just about all her appearances. I think she tops most, if not all, of the others

Anonymous said...

Veronica Lodge - although you did specify "hottest female in a *humorous* comic", and Archie might not meet that standard.

Anonymous said...

Other notables:
- Ooola from "Alley Oop"
- Lady Greystoke from the Sunday Tarzan strip, I know this is not a "funny" strip, but check out the "jungle girl" in the 01/06/2008 strip on comics.com

Concerning "9 Chickweed Lane", Brooke McEldowney's "Pibgorn" strip offers mightly fine drawings, alas, it appears that the strip is no longer active.

If we were considering inactive strips then Monkey Boy Choi's Liberty Meadows' dames would win hands down.

dodo said...

Toni Daytona, without doubt. I am following Blondie since I was 7 and she is more of an aunt to me.

Among others. Toni wins hands down. But you could mention Tajel from phdcomics, I find her very hot :P .

Anonymous said...

What kind of list leaves off Dennis the Menace's mom?

Anonymous said...

Where's Janis? She's been a babe as long as I've been reading the Arlo and Janis, and whatever she thinks, she's aging well. And not just the looks; she's got intelligence and wit.

Jeff said...

Jon's veterinarian girlfriend in Garfield. She proves that smart girls can see the inherent niceness in dorky dudes.

Anonymous said...

I think you forgot some of the big names like Betty Cooper, Veronica Lodge from the Archie Comics. How about Lois Flagston from Hi and Lois and lets not for get about the original, Betty Boop. If you want to include some TV comic hotties there is always Wilma or Betty from the Flintstones. I know I always thought Betty Rubble was a Hottie. How about Jane or Judy Jetson? This list seems to get longer as I think about it.

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