Campaign Songs

Campaign songs are often pretty wussy. "Call Me Al", anyone? And the lyrics of songs don't always jibe with feel-good politics. A while back, the Washington Post had a good article on campaign songs where the politicians just missed the point when picking them out. Often they were using patriotic sounding songs that really has lyrics that said the opposite of a candidate's message. What we really need are campaign songs that called out what the candidates actually stand for. In honor of Super Tuesday I present some candidates (and former candidates) and the songs they really should be playing:

Hillary Clinton	In a famous incident, Clinton was using Billy Joel’s “New York State of Mind” as a campaign song but some now probably dead flunky accidentally cued up “Captain Jack”, a song about drug abuse and masturbation instead. The Billy Joel song she should really be using is the left-handed compliment of a ballad, “Always A Woman”: She can kill with a smile She can wound with her eyes She can ruin your faith with her casual lies And she only reveals what she wants you to see She hides like a child But she’s always a woman to me She is frequently kind And she’s suddenly cruel She can do as she pleases She’s nobody’s fool But she cant be convicted She’s earned her degree And the most she will do Is throw shadows at you But she’s always a woman to me
Barack Obama	The junior senator from Illinois is definitely the flavor of the month with all the momentum. It's good to be the "New Kid In Town" until your novelty wears off. Theres talk on the street, it sounds so familiar. Great expectations, everybody's watching you. People you meet they all seem to know you, Even your old friends treat you like you're something new. Johnny-come-lately, the new kid in town, Everybody loves you, so don't let them down. Theres talk on the street, its there to remind you That it doesn't really matter which side you're on. You're walking away and they're talking behind you. They will never forget you till somebody new comes along. Where you been lately? theres a new kid in town. Everybody loves him, don't they? now hes holding her And you're still around, oh my my. Theres a new kid in town, Just another new kid in town.
Mitt Romney	On the Republican side, we have the former governor of arguably the most liberal state in the union running as the last great conservative hope. How did he change his spots so well? A certain cross-dressing 80s icon says it so much better than I could. We will see today if Lady Karma gets revenge on this chameleon. Desert loving in your eyes all the way If I listen to your lies would you say I’m a man without conviction I’m a man who doesn’t know How to sell a contradiction You come and go You come and go Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon You come and go You come and go
Rudy Giuliani	Another New Yorker, but unlike Hillary, his campaign crashed and burned. Part of the problem was that the more he pressed the flesh, the lower his approval ratings went. The former Time Man Of The Year became the man that polled behind Undecided. And it was all because, in the words of another Billy Joel song, he had to be a “Big Shot.” Yes, yes, you had to be a big shot, didn't cha You had to prove it to the crowd You had to be a big shot, didn't cha All your friends were so knocked out You had to have the last word, last night You're so much fun to be around You had to have the front page, bold type You had to be a big shot last night, Oh oh Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa who-oo-oo-oo-ah, Oh Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa. Well, it's no big sin to stick your two cents in If you know when to leave it alone But you went over the line You couldn't see it was time to go home No, no, no, no, no, no
Dennis Kucinich	UFO-spotter Kucinich was another candidate that never quite gained any traction. His biggest asset was his preternaturally hot wife. He would have gotten more votes if he had spent time pushing the two-fer deal that the Clintons were always promising/threatening. Bruce Springsteen songs always get mis-appropriated by candidates but “Red-Headed Woman” could have energized the crowds. Tight skirt, strawberry hair Tell me what you've got, baby, waiting under there. Big green eyes that look like, son, They can see every cheap thing that you ever done. Well, I don't know how many girls you dated, man You ain't lived 'til you've had your tires rotated By a red-headed woman, a red-headed woman. It takes a red-headed woman to get a dirty job done.

There you have it. Truth in campaign jingles. But truth and politics rarely go well together. And the music always gets lost in translation.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: I just couldn’t think of a good song for John McCain, so feel free to pick one for me.