Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Sidewalk Sex Party

When I walk in my neighborhood, I notice lots of things strewn on the grass or in the street. Usually it's normal stuff like broken bottles or empty fast food bags. My dog used to be particularly good at finding out if there were any chicken bones or rolls left over.

Now I live in a nice suburban development. One time there was a dead deer in the road. Another time I found a crack pipe. I assume it belonged to the moving crew that was working that day and not one of the neighbors. Another time, while riding my bike past a local cemetery, there was a bra in the road.

But Sunday morning, I found a pile of things that just baffled me. It just didn't seem like the stuff people would leave between the sidewalk and the curb.



You can click on the picture for a bigger version, but here is the list of what I saw:

A roll of clothesline
The wrapper for a garden hose (hose missing)
Several latex gloves
A roll of clear wrapping tape
Bottle of rubbing alcohol
Length of black nylon strap
DSW Shoe bag (not pictured)
Wooden paint stirrer
Tube of Astroglide
Buttplug (or dog chew toy, but hopefully not both)
Two unopened condoms

I am just at a loss to put these items in any sort of narrative that makes sense to my not-so-sheltered mind. I mean, I know what you can do with these things, but why were they where they were. It had rained the day before and nothing looked weather-soaked. I stumbled past this about 8 am, well into the morning jogging/dog-walking hours, so plenty of other people had already walked right past it. And for the record, none of those items were mine. And they were all gone when I went by later that evening.

Help me out and tell me what I stumbled across. A BDSM lawn party? A roadside gay orgy? A disrupted fraternity hazing? A post-Republican National Convention celebration? What? All suggestions, bizarre or innocuous, are welcome.

14 comments:

Used*to*be*me said...

Dude, your guess is as good as mine. Certainly doesn't seem random does it?

HA HA HA! My verification word was aabupug which at first read looked like abutplug to me.

trusty getto said...

Oh, so that's where I dropped that stuff. I've been looking all around for it.

Sorry, man. And by the way, you don't want to know . . . .

Elizabeth said...

Wow, I have no idea what was going on in your neighborhood. I think I'd stay in after dark though!

2fs said...

Bristol, go breastfeed your brother!

2fs said...

Oops, sorry - just trying to spread a meme there. (Credit, of course, to Sara Benincasa...)

Anyway: my guess is the neighborhood surrealist is trying to puzzle you.

yellojkt said...

That's the spirit, 2fs.

If the neighborhood surrealist had done it, it would have included a purple table lamp and a deck of cards with all the Jacks removed.

Jumper said...

You have been witness to a "rough trade" driveby car cleaning. After a fun night of Larry Craig-style romping, the Rev. Mr. Right Winger is returning home to his none-the-wiser Stepford family. And he also got a cellphone call that his nosy cousins are visiting, too! He ditches the tell-tale items at the side of the road and zooms the last few blocks home. Incidentally, while Stepford family was away a few days ago, he hosted a crack & sex party with some hostile teen punks, who hijacked a car after leaving his home the next morning.

Dino said...

It was bound to happen sooner or later. A serial killer ran into another one. One prevailed.

baltimorediary said...

First it was Brandy Britton, now this. That is one screwed-up neighborhood you live in.

On the other hand, maybe you or one of your neighbors would like to cater my next party.

MJ said...

I don't think I want to know...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

I'll be back...

Jeff said...

Boy, there sure are a lot of bondage items there. These things sound like part of a very unwelcome enema.

Anonymous said...

I watch way too much TruTV. The rope, tape, and cuffs made me inwardly cringe. Thinking about a serial killer who couldn't find a victim last night.

escorts madrid said...

The guy is totally just, and there is no skepticism.

muebles en pinto said...

This can't have effect in actual fact, that's exactly what I suppose.