When Worlds Collide

or Apologies To Amber

I was in the new area of Baltimore called Inner Harbor East doing some post-movie browsing in a chi-chi store when a woman approached me and asked me if I was yellojkt. Since I was wearing a Georgia Tech jacket I thought maybe she had asked if I was a yellow jacket. I looked back puzzled. She said “I’m Josh’s wife.” I thought back searching my memory banks for fellow alumni named Josh.

My wife jabbed me in the ribs and said “Your blog dummy.” And then it all clicked into place. This was Amber, the very lovely wife of internet celebrity Josh Fruhlinger. The Amber I had met just a few months earlier at Josh’s Jeopardy party. A person whose picture is on my blog.

I felt so embarrassed. We exchanged pleasantries and I told her to say “Hi” to Josh for me. I just want her to know that it’s me not her. I have a mind like a sieve that gets very disoriented when I run across people in unfamiliar contexts. I have a couple of equally embarrassing stories like that that I tend to pull out.

The classic one happened in college. My fiancé (now wife) had brought up her brother to Atlanta for week one summer. We decided to take him downtown to see the sights. We took the subway downtown and were coming out of the station when a large black woman started waving at me. My fiancé looked at me and I looked at this lady until she said “You don’t recognize me. You’re the turkey club.” And then it clicked. Every day for lunch I went to the cafeteria and had the same thing. A turkey club sandwich on a hoagie roll with mayo, lettuce and tomato. And this woman was the cafeteria worker that made it for me. Every day.

The really brutal moment was Monday at lunch when I had to go in for lunch. When I got up to the front of the line, she yelled to the whole line “Hey, I saw this guy downtown Saturday and he didn’t recognize me.” The whole line game me the raised eyebrow stare. I just grinned foolishly and took my turkey club.

The other time was right after I graduated from college and moved back to my hometown for a job. I hadn’t been to a dentist the entire time I was in college which is a ridiculously long time. My wife suggested I use the dentist she had used as a kid, so I made an appointment.

So I’m in the chair and the hygienist started the cleaning. Then she goes “Hey yello! How have you been? I haven’t seen you since your graduation party.” I just stared blankly. She sees my bafflement and introduces herself. Still no click. Then she says “I was dating Bob back then.” And at least I remembered Bob. Bob was the salutatorian of our graduating class. The guy that at our five year reunion got drunk and accused me of ruining his life. But I still couldn’t place her which is very embarrassing when the person with her fingers in your mouth know you but you don’t know them.

There you have it. If you run across me in real life and even if I have met you before, feel no shame in saying “I read your blog, dummy.” I need those kind of anvil-heavy contextual clues because I truly am that clueless.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Do you have trouble recognizing people you should know?