Nosy Meme

I have stayed pretty meme-free lately, but this one is going around (particularly at Harmonica Man and Mooselet, but I’ve seen it a few other places as well) and since I have answered all the questions in my head, I might as well get a blogpost for the effort.

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice?
Bleu cheese, particularly the type that Wendy’s had on their salad bar when they had one. It was thicker and chunkier than any I have ever had since.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Wendy’s, for sentimental reasons since I worked there in high school. When given a choice, I would probably pick Qdaba or Chipotle even if those are technically fast-casual.

What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
The best meal I have ever had was at Nougatine in New York, which is a little pricey and not very close to home. Of the chains, we eat at Bennigans a lot because it is between my son’s high school and our house and has become the unofficial restaurant of the marching band.

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
Here’s my system: I calculate 20% of the total bill including tax and then round up until the total bill is an even dollar amount. For example, if the bill is $37.20, 20% is $7.44, but I will tip $7.80 so that I only have to enter $45 into Quicken. It’s what you get when you let an engineer settle the check.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Pasta with butter and cheese.

Name three foods you detest above all others.
Liver. All others pale in comparison. My mother fed it to us whenever my dad was out of town because he wouldn’t eat it either.

What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
Sweet and sour pork is the answer my family would tell you, but lemon chicken is a very common choice too.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Anything, but we usually get ham, mushrooms, green peppers and onions in that order.

What do you like to put on your toast?
I put butter and Kraft® parmesan cheese on it before I toast it.

What is your favorite type of gum?
Big Red™.

TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone?
283. My cell phone doubles as my PDA, so there are a lot of people in there I don’t even have phone numbers for and haven’t talked to in over a decade. Realistically, there are probably only a dozen I have called in the past year.

Number of contacts in your email address book?
See above.

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
Right now it’s a picture of a penguin that a friend of my wife took. I will eventually replace with a picture from my vacation, probably of the Grand Canyon if I can find one that doesn’t obscure the icons. At work I have a replica of my business card I created with Paint.

What is your screensaver on your computer?
None. Don’t believe in them.

Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
No. And I have checked.

How many land line phones do you have in your house?
7. Six cordless ones and a back-up land-line.

How many televisions are in your house?
Four. One more than occupants. Which is also how many DVD players and computers we have.

What kitchen appliance do you use the least?
We have a fry daddy that has never come out of the box. Our house would shut down without the rice cooker.

What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
WTMD is a weird public radio grown-up rock format that closely emulates WXPN in Philadelphia. Or I listen to any of the NPR talk stations.

How many sex toys do you own that require batteries?
I’m a guy. As long as I have a working internet connection, I don’t need batteries. TMI.

BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
My legs. Since I bicycle, they are actually in shape.

Are you right handed or left handed?
Right handed. What difference does that make?

Do you like your smile?
It’s okay, except it sometimes looks too phony in pictures.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Technically just the undescended testicle, but I still have that.

Would you like to?
Like what? Liposuction? No thanks.

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
Every morning I take the Style section of the Washington Post into the bathroom with me. I rarely make it to the comics. Is that enough information for you?

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
None of them. They are all bad and getting worse.

When was the last time you had a cavity?
My teeth are stronger than I deserve. I went through college without seeing a dentist and had no cavities. I have had maybe one since college.

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
My bicycle. Maybe twenty pounds.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Not that I remember.

MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No. I’m not sure what good could come of that.

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I like yello just fine.

How do you express your artistic side?
Blogging. Photography.

What color do you think you look best in?
Probably blue since I have so much of it, but technically I’m an Autumn and should wear earth tones.

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
Less than a day. The fear of anal rape is the last effective deterrent the penal system has.

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Probably all the time.

If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
Nobody is going to answer yes to that.

How often do you go to church?
Whenever my son has CCD class. Right now that’s about once a month.

Have you ever saved someone’s life?
Not that I’m aware of. Unless you count driving my son to the emergency room when his appendix ruptured.

Has someone ever saved yours?
Don’t think so.

DARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
Sounds like easy money.

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Maybe. But there would probably have to be alcohol involved.

Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000?
First off, that would be infidelity so I can turn it down on that grounds. If I weren’t married, I’d have to find some other excuse because it’s not gonna happen.

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Not likely.

Would you never blog again for $50,000?
No. I’d just cheat and find another way.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Maybe, but the magazine is definitely getting the raw end of that deal.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
If I could have unlimited water.

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Not for any price.

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
Show me the money.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
Not only would I get the 25k, I’d save another grand on the cable bill. I don’t think my family would go along with me, though.

I will regret this moment of meme weakness, somehow someway someday. Tell me what is the stupidest question on this list.