Showing posts with label meme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meme. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Why I Hate The Facebook BBC 100 Books Meme


There is a meme (in the 'internet silly game' meaning of the word, not the Richard Dawkins 'fundamental idea of civilization' meaning) going around the internet and on Facebook in particular which goes something like this:
Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here…

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES.

Bold those books you’ve read in their entirety.

Italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish or read only an excerpt.

Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses! (Or not.) Feel free to add comments too.
It has even become a Facebook app where you can click off your list and then compare yourself to your FB friends. I have grown to despise this list on several levels. Every time it circles around, I hate it even more. Here are but a few of the reasons:

  1. The BBC had nothing to do with the list. The closest the BBC has come to doing a list like this is their Big Read from 2003 which has many, but not all of these books on their list. The Big Read was a write-in poll to determine Britain's best loved book. The Lord of the Rings came in first, followed by Pride and Prejudice. No quibble there. But this is not that list.

  2. The actual list is from a UK Guardian listicle published in 2007 titled "Books you can't live without: the top 100". I guess whoever started this as a meme thought the BBC had a greater Appeal To Authority.

  3. There is no explanation of how this list was compiled. If there were a companion article in the Guardian explaining how it was arrived at, it has been lost to the internet. With no methodology it's just a random list of books.

  4. Nobody EVER said most people have only read six. Not the Guardian, not the BBC, not anybody except whoever unleashed this meme on the world. This is a frustrating gimmick meant to raise the interest of the reader and make them feel good they are better than 'most people'. In fact, it is a particularly low bar. If you survived high school you are likely to have doubled that number.

  5. The list includes series as single works (Shakespeare, Narnia, Harry Potter, The Faraway Tree). If The Little Prince counts as one, why do you have to read the entire Bible?

  6. There are also individual books in these series listed separately, such as The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, and Hamlet, thus double counting them.

  7. The quality of the list is astoundingly uneven. There are some real stinkers that made the cut. Some of the dreck that made the list I have read (The DaVinci Code) but there is no way anybody is ever convincing me The Five People You Meet In Heaven should ever be read by anybody.

  8. It's an odd, odd list. A good chunk of it is traditional Western Canon full of Dead White Men (plus Jane Austen and the Bronte Sisters). Another part is childhood favorites, that is if you were raised by a nanny in a English manor house. And another big chunk is contemporary middlebrow 'serious' literature like you find on the 3-for-2 table in any BigBoxOfBooks. There is just no theme or rhyme or reason to the hodgepodge. The list is both too broad and too specific.

  9. There are books I have never heard of on this list. I spend a lot of time in bookstores. One of my favorite games is to find the back-to-school or summer-reading-list table and see how many I have read. I usually do pretty well, but I have never run across Swallows and Amazons. Wikipedia tells me it is the first book in a British series that dates to 1930. News to me.

  10. The list is getting increasingly tattered. I've seen a couple of sub-variations of the list with different books substituted. The current version, even the one that has become a Facebook app, has a lot of misspellings which have crept in from going too many times through the virtual Xerox machine. A list with the authors' names misspelled is just embarrassing.

  11. There is no Kurt Vonnegut on the list. This is a serious omission. Given the very British roots of it, it's understandable that it is highly Anglo-centric, but any list of a hundred anything without Slaughterhouse Five on it has no credibility.

  12. Memes just annoy me. But that is a rant for another day. Of particular help to me in building up a steam of hate for this one was a very good entry on the PurpleCar blog entitled How Do Memes Start? A Case Study: 100 Books in Facebook.

And in case you think this is all sour grapes, I have read 27+/- (depending on how you count things and how good my memory is) of them, which is perfectly respectable. But at my rather languid reading pace nowadays, my time is precious and I'm not going to go 'birding' just to increase my score on a particularly vapid Facebook meme. I have enough unread books in my house to last me at least five years and maybe ten of these books on the list are somewhere in the to-read pile, but I'm probably not getting to them anytime soon. I read what I want to read because life is too short.

Far more interesting to me is this list which really is from the BBC of the books people claim to have read but really haven't. I've read three on that list. No, nine. Yes, it's nine.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Stupid Top 100 Book Memes: Harmless Fun or Pretentious Annoyance?

Updated 8:15 a.m.: Changed the title.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Be A Birther


Thanks to the helpful folks at Blue Collar Industries, anybody can forge a Kenyan birth certificate. Here is mine:



Far more useful would be an app that would help forge a Hawaiian Certificate of Live Birth. I might need one if I ever run for president.

Friday, March 06, 2009

The Hero Within



In honor of Watchman Day, I have used The Hero Factory to create my own superhero, Foma*Man aka The Asterisk. I had to do some minor photoshopping to the dorky name they originally gave me as well as put my cool logo on my massive superhero pecs.

My superpowers are withering sarcasm, a sense of ironic detachment and the ability to flame trolls in any forum.

Hat tip to Dave at Blogography for linking to the awesome site.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Who is your hero and what is their superpower?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

25 Random Things About Facebook



  1. Facebook was founded by Mark Zuckerberg who was a student at Harvard, the same school Bill Gates dropped out of to found Microsoft.
  2. Zuckerberg dropped out to become CEO of Facebook.
  3. His friends sued him when they found out he used their code.
  4. They sued him again when they found out how much Facebook is worth.
  5. Facebook is estimated to be worth about fifteen billion dollars.
  6. I have three Facebook accounts.
  7. Yellojkt Yellojkt is for my imaginary friends.
  8. My real name is for my family and people that don't know I blog.
  9. Mo MoDo is so that I can leave comments about Maureen Dowd on blogs that require a Facebook account like Huffington Post.
  10. Facebook has been banned by the Maryland General Assembly.
  11. The 25 Things About Me Meme has been done over five million times.
  12. Claude at Baltimore Diary is one of them.
  13. The Girl From Park Heights is another.
  14. Time Magazine finds the 25 Things meme very annoying.
  15. The Wall Street Journal tried to figure out who started it, but couldn't.
  16. Slate is looking too.
  17. Dan Zak of the Washington Post wrote a 25 Random Things List about the meme.
  18. The 25 Things meme requires you to forward it to 25 friends.
  19. I don't have 25 friends on Facebook.
  20. Yellojkt has 17 friends.
  21. My real name has 14 friends.
  22. My son has 587 friends.
  23. Stanford teaches parents how to use Facebook to spy on keep up with their kids.
  24. I do a lot of silly memes.
  25. I don't do memes that come from Facebook.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Fomabama

My avatar has been Hopeyfied.
Or Baracked.
Or Obamacized.
Or something:


Get yours here.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Christmas Meme


This little snippet of a meme has been running its course on an e-mail chain I'm on, but rather than just reply to the mailing list, I decided to make a full-fledged post out of it. It's typical of the silly little random question style meme, but since it's the holiday season, I don't want to be a grinch. Here we go:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
This year? Nothing. We are doing Christmas as BYOP (Buy Your Own Present) so wrapping is a senseless gesture. Most years we do the full wrapping paper with bows. And it’s very obvious which ones who wrapped. My wife could be a professional wrapper and I’m all thumbs.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
We’ve done both off and on. It was a real tree last year, but this year we have a midget artificial tree to keep things easy.

3. When do you put up the tree?
The weekend after Thanksgiving weekend. Or the weekend after that. Definitely before Christmas.

4. When do you take the tree down?
The weekend after New Years Day.

5. Do you like eggnog?
I love it, but I’m the only dairy drinking person in the family. It tastes even better with a little Jack Daniels or rum in it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
A 1/72 scale B-52 bomber model which had a 36" wingspan. I am such a geek.

7. Hardest person to buy for?
My parents. They don’t need anything and it’s hard to come up with something new.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
My nephews and nieces are still little kids and easy to please.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes, a very nice white ceramic set I inherited from my Grandmother. We didn’t it put it up this year, but it’s nice to have.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
I used to do the world’s greatest Christmas newsletters (the original blogs) but it got to be too much trouble. Then we did cards for a few years before that fell by the wayside. I think it’s been about five years since we mailed anything.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Too many to enumerate but discretion prevents me from naming any.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
None. Although in recent memory, the first The Santa Cause was well-done.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
All year-round. Since we travel a lot, buying stuff on vacation is a good way find unique gifts.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
A few times, but not to close family members.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
My grandmother’s marshmallow pudding which is a secret family recipe.

16. Lights on the tree?
Oh, yes. I like watching the colored lights blink.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
"Christmas Rapping" by The Waitresses which hasn't made Courtney's annual countdown yet.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home?
I like to be home for Christmas itself but travel a little between Christmas and New Years.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
Uh, Dasher and Donner and Dancer and Nixon. And Sleepy and Grumpy and Doc.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
One or two on Christmas Eve and the rest in the morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
Trying to park at a mall when you just want to buy something completely non-holiday related.

23. What theme or color are you using?
White with some holly berry accents.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
I make a mean macaroni and cheese which goes great with a sprial-sliced honey ham.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
A really tricked out video-editing PC, but I want prices to come down a little first, so its not in the cards. Oh, peace and goodwill towards men too.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this?
Don’t care. All my memes are take it or leave it.

27. Who is least likely to respond to this?
The two dozen people that have already done this. I am such a procrastinator.

BlatantCheerSpreading™: Give your answer to any of the above questions.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Elf You


Two years ago, I found a silly dancing Christmas elf gimmick on the web (yeah, there's a first for me) and linked to it. Maybe it's because I credited it to Office Depot instead of OfficeMax or just some quirk of the Google Authority Hype (or GAH!) but a few days ago my blog traffic to that two year old post just exploded (which for me means literally dozens of hits) as people began searching for seasonal goofy gimmicks. And who am I to resist?

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

The Office Max Elf is now powered by JibJab which gives you more choices of dippy dances. Since I am also the King of Cheesy 70s Music, I decided the disco dance version suited me best. And I might was well use the most recent picture of me, which is this one. You can see if I've changed any in two years (the original picture is probably even older than that).



So go ahead and make your dancing elf. It's the spirit of the season. And there's never anything wrong with making fun of yourself on the web.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hypealyzer


The great thing about blogging is that just when you think you have blogger’s blog or you just don’t have time to get in the post for the day, some shiny object will cross your path. Today’s is a website called Typealyzer that claims to analyze your blog for intellectual and emotional type. It does this in a very vague but highly flattering way that would make a cold-reading spiritualist embarrassed. Read this below:

ESTP – The Doer

The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

Analysis

This show what parts of the brain that were dominant during writing.


Yeah, I’m a regular triathlon trainee. And exactly wtf is ESTP? You have to think that any attempt to convince a blogger they have a problem with sitting still is doomed to failure. Nevertheless, this silly bit of pseudo-psychology has been linked to by Andrew Sullivan and Wonkette, and by noon tomorrow, the entire blogosphere. Because it's viral yet still fun to ridicule and because flattering quasi-scientific horse hockey is irresistible to bloggers that want to just throw up a post and go to bed.

But not just yet. Instead, I have thoroughly analyzed my blog for content and here are the major themes and intellectual trends.



I can see I need to work on sneaking more Angelina Jolie content into the blog. But don’t hold your breath on the pro sports and Kantian philosophy.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Just how bogus is this crap? And how soon until you post it on your site?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Frii The Miis


Our family used to have a Wii but it followed my son to college. So I was shocked to sii a brand new one on the dining room table one afternoon. I asked my wife why shii had gotten a Wii. Shii said because they were on sale at BigMembershipWarehouse-OfOversizedStuff for five dollars less than regular riitail. Can’t argue with that logic.

But you can’t play a Wii without a Mii. My previous Mii which I have been using as an avatar all over the place is now trapped in the lost Wii off at college so I had to start over. The key fiitures are an oval face, pale complexion, short reddish hair and glasses.

While the new Mii looks better, I miss the smirk of the old Mii.

There is still no way to get a Mii onto a computer. You can carrii Miis around in your Wiimote when you travel and transfer them to different Wiis, but they can’t leave the Wiiniverse. As before I resorted to the photo capture kludge of taking a photo of my Mii off the TiiVii and uploading it into my computer

So I make this plli to the powers that bii at Nintendo: Pliise frii our Miis. Let them bii where wii can sii them on our PiiCii. Don’t be so griidy by kiipping the Miis proprietarii.

I would be diilighted if you would help mii with my follii. Let us siize the day and put this scriid on every site you sii:

Frii The Miis!

The Gen Game


In my last post I bloviated about baby boomers and even made up some brand new categories for them. I came up with four different semi-distinct generations that precede, coincide with, and follow the Baby Boom. But rather than get all sociological and philosophical about the differences between them, it's easier to just use examples.

That is why I've invented the Gen Game. You just have to come up with four related people, groups, events, or things with one belonging to each of my generational divisions. The relationship can be as explicit or as subtle as you want. Here are my examples:
Proto-Boomers
(1938-1946)

Hippie-Boomers
(1946-1958)

Tail-Boomers
(1959-1968)

Generation X
(1969-1980)

EisenhowerKennedyNixonReagan
Lee Harvey OswaldSirhan SirhanSqueaky FrommeJohn Hinckley
Strom ThurmondGeorge WallaceJohn AndersonRoss Perot
BessJackieNancyHillary
Apollo 1Apollo 13ChallengerColumbia
Leave It To BeaverBrady BunchCosby Show90210
Dobie GillisRoom 222Welcome Back KotterSaved By The Bell
American GrafittiAnimal HouseDazed and Confusednone
beerLSDcocaineEcstasy
pregnancysyphillisherpesAIDS
AMFMMTVNapster
Wham-OMattelAtariSega
Sock HopLove-InDiscoRave
The Day The Earth Stood Still2001Star WarsThe Matrix
Krazy KatFritz the CatGarfield the CatBucky Katt
Bye Bye BirdieHairXanaduRent
Marilyn MonroeJane FondaFarrah FawcettKathy Ireland
Ed SullivanAmerican BandstandSonny and CherTRL
The QuarrymenThe BeatlesWingsPaul McCartney
Buddy HollyJimi HendrixJohn LennonKurt Cobain
Diana RossJanis JoplinMadonnaBritney Spears
BeatlesOsmond BrothersBay City RollersNew Kids On The Block

I invite quibbles, substitutions, and additions. Feel free to explain why something does or does not belong.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Now it's your turn to play. Just leave your Gen Game list in the comments.

Friday, August 15, 2008

MangaJkt


I am such a sucker for these silly avatar generators. Here is the latest:


It's supposed to be your manga self, but I look like the dorky guy that tries to cheat at Yu-Gi-Oh but gets foiled.

I got the meme from HRH Courtney, Queen of Everything who looks positively ravishing in hers and you can get yours here.

And to prove that it is the sensation that is sweeping the nation, I even independently found the secret manga-tar of 2fs. And in some weird coinky-dink, we are all wearing the same glasses. I'm not sure what that says about us, but it sure makes me nervous.

BlatantMemeSpreading™: Show me yours.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Picture A Meme


I’ve been wanting to do a meme as a post for a while, but all I keep running into variations of the “Tell Us n Random/Embarrassing/Blackmailable Things About You”, where n has been as high as 10 lately. Then Jeff, who always has the best memes tried this one which has a strong creative element to it. You use images to answer the typical dopey personal questions.

I don’t know if I have made them too cryptic or too obvious, but I’d like to see people give these quasi-riddles a chance.

The Mosaic Picture Meme

The Rules:

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Google Image Search or same type of search engine for pictures.

2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image. You can’t search forever for a certain image.

3. Arrange the pictures into a collage.

The Questions and Answers:

I’ve taken the rules one step further and not given the answers directly, only a clue that with the image would lead you to the right answer. See if you can figure out the search term I used.

Click on picture to embiggen.

1. What is your name?… My name is not common, but it is popular enough that plenty of people other than me have much larger web footprints. Since I use yellojkt exclusively online, this singer guy is welcome to my real name. I’m looking for the name of the album pictured. That would tell me that you have found the right name. In order to protect my meager efforts at online privacy, iIf you do recognize him and leave the real name in the comments I will erase it.

2. What is your favorite food?… This album title has half of it right. Not so much the chocolate part.

3. What high school did you go to?… Home of the Eagles, not this guy who has the same name.

4. What is your favorite color? … White and gold – The official colors of the Yellow Jackets. All three of my cars are white and gold, just like the Rambling Wreck which is a Ford Model A, not the yaar and model of the car shown here. Which is a what?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?… Still the Hottest Woman Ever. A gimmie.

6. What is your favorite drink?… A tie. When these two individual search terms are mixed together with vodka, what drink do they make?

7. What is your dream vacation?… Maybe not my dream vacation, but like Jeff, I've always wanted to see where my DNA was from.

8. What is your favorite dessert?… A South Florida specialty.

9. What do you want to be or do when you grow up?… Being a ‘used bookstore’ owner is the only way to turn my hobby into career. I planned part of a vacation once just to go to this particular one. Can anyone name it?

10. What do you love most in life?… You’ll never get this one. It’s a very inside joke.

11. What is one word that describes you?… At least I think this word fits. You may disagree.

12. What is your blog name?… harmless untruths are…also made by this phone manufacturer.

I’ll acknowledge right answers in the comments, but other than that, you are on your own. And give it a try if you have as much time to kill as I obviously did.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Personality Drink Quiz


By the date of the is file, I stole this quiz from HRH Courtney quite a while ago. But it's funny even if kinda dopey. Hint: Take it more than once to realize that it's just mega-random.

The Recipe For yellojkt

3 parts Shrewdness
2 parts Prosperity
1 part Understanding

Splash of Slyness

Finish off with whipped cream

Monday, May 05, 2008

Colon-oscopy


I hadn't done any memes or quizzes lately mostly because I haven't seen any decent ones lately. Just endless variations of the "Tell (some absurdly large number) Silly/Embarrassing/Extortionable Facts About You." But then comes Claude of Baltimore Diary to the rescue with What Punctuation Mark Are You? These silly "What [blank] Are You?" quizzes are you can be very clever or astoundingly obtuse (Which Next Generation Klingon Are You?).

Besides, punctuation is always funny. Many, many places on the web I've gotten into absurd little discussions about gross abuses of punctuation marks. The poor apostrophe seems to be the most critically mistreated. Put in all sorts of places he never belongs and left out of many respectable places he should. So I nervously took the quiz to see what punctuation mark I would be.




You Are a Colon



You are very orderly and fact driven.
You aren't concerned much with theories or dreams... only what's true or untrue.
You are brilliant and incredibly learned. Anything you know is well researched.
You like to make lists and sort through things step by step. You aren't subject to whim or emotions.
Your friends see you as a constant source of knowledge and advice.
(But they are a little sick of you being right all of the time!)
You excel in: Leadership positions
You get along best with: The Semi-Colon


Not as exciting as an exclamation mark or as necessary as a period, but still, a colon is good solid piece of punctuation.

Colons are authoritative. They perform many important functions: beginning lists, introducing quotes, and separating the halves of an appositive. The only unfortunate feature is that the name is shared with a portion of the digestive system which can result in silly scatological puns. But the colon isn't the only punctuation mark with that problem. Try do discuss periods in a middle school language arts class without getting a few snickers.

I do have to take exception to the last statement of the quiz explanation. I refuse to have anything to do with semi-colons. Kurt Vonnegut (he said it, I believe it) called semi-colons pretentious:
If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.
Gawker even declared the semi-colon dead.

Colons divide: semi-colons dither.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Take the quiz and 'fess up.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Dog Breed Quiz


You know that I've just been too busy to post because this is my emergency break glass blog quiz meme:

What dog breed are you? I'm a Border Collie! Find out at Dogster.com

When my son was just a toddler, the next door neighbor had a pair of border collies (and folks, never get them in less than a pair). These dogs would watch my son through the chain link fence and run point. One would watch him while the other followed him. It was amazing to watch. These were also the only dogs I have ever seen actually trained to retrieve the morning paper. Not only did they live a cliche, they reveled in it.

So if I'm a smart dedicated border collie, I'm proud.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Character - Good, Evil and Otherwise


This is my last Dungeons and Dragons related post for a while, so the non-role playing folk in my readership (and there are a few) can relax. While wandering the web the other night I, unsurprisingly, ran across a lot of other memorials to Gary Gygax. I found that my "Gary Gygax failed his saving throw" line to be outstandingly non-unique. I also stumbled across a blog meme quiz from, of all people, Michelle Malkin. She too was a gamer in high school which explains some things. Not everything, but a lot. This quiz is very long, but worth it because it does ask some intriguing questions.

I Am A: True Neutral Elf Wizard (6th Level)


Ability Scores:
Strength-12
Dexterity-9
Constitution-14
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-11
Charisma-14

Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Race:
Elves are known for their poetry, song, and magical arts, but when danger threatens they show great skill with weapons and strategy. Elves can live to be over 700 years old and, by human standards, are slow to make friends and enemies, and even slower to forget them. Elves are slim and stand 4.5 to 5.5 feet tall. They have no facial or body hair, prefer comfortable clothes, and possess unearthly grace. Many others races find them hauntingly beautiful.

Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)


As I mentioned in my last post, my favorite character was a half-orc fighter, which is nearly the exact opposite of an elf wizard. Dungeons and Dragons is a fantasy game. If I wanted to be a tall, pasty, wimpy nerd, I could have stayed home. I also found on the web this article from The Believer which is as good a exegesis on the role playing phenomenon as I have ever seen. Paul La Farge also is amazed by the thought and obsessive detail that went into the manuals. He uses the following example as just one case where nothing, or rather everything, is left to chance in the game.

THE HARLOT ENCOUNTER TABLE
01-10slovenly trull
11-25brazen strumpet
26-35cheap trollop
36-50typical streetwalker
51-65saucy tart
66-75wanton wench
76-85expensive doxy
86-90haughty courtesan
91-92aged madam
93-94wealthy procuress
95-98sly pimp
99-00rich panderer

D&D was more than a game, it was a primer on mythology, culture, and morality. One of its great innovations is the alignment axis. It includes good and evil which is as hard to define as it was in the times of St Augustine or of Nietzsche. It also uses the concept of lawful vs. chaos. A lawful character was a goody-goody that followed rules no matter how unfair. A chaotic character believed the ends justified the means. Here are my archetypes for the different alignments:

Lawful Good: Superman
Chaotic Good: Batman
Lawful Evil: Adolf Hitler
Chaotic Evil: Charles Manson

You can quibble with the nuances, and you are expected to. The game concept of a moral alignment was, of course, shamelessly stolen from other sources, but that is what made the game unique. It invited thought and exploration in the wider world where the players lived when they aren't casting spells or atacking trolls.

BlatantCommentWhoring™:What is your alignment or character type?

Credits: Elf image from DPI Studios

Thursday, February 28, 2008

My TV Boyfriend


When the going gets tough, the tough go to memes. Fortunately, Dave at Blogography did an intriguing one that I can steal (Can you really steal a blog meme? Isn't that what they are meant for?) Anyways, who among us guys hasn't wondered what sort of boyfriend they would have if they were a girl? Oh, come on, back me up here.

This quiz picks your perfect boyfriend from the current crop of dreamboats on the tube. I answered the rather in depth questions as I would if I were a girl and ended up with:


In the Gossip Girl-iverse of smokin' hot too-old-to-be-in-high-school rich bitches, Dan is the token broke (he lives in Brooklyn, for godsake) sensitive doormat. The quiz lets you take it again, so I did and this time let my inner geek fly a little and got:



And what guy wouldn't rather be Jim instead of Dwight? Pam is a mousy receptionists but you know she is secretly a total freak in the boudoir. Hey, at least I don't end up with Chuck Bartowski. Because he has to lust after this. Poor blue-balled Chuck. At least Jim gets some action. So I can't even really pick a pretend boyfriend without being a complete pig about it. I guess I'm stuck being a guy.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Rock Album Meme

Updated (2/29/08): I have removed the album image at the request of the copyright holder.
Updated (2/29/08): The image has been restored and is being used with the permission of the copyright holder for this post only. No further reproduction is authorized.

I haven't done a meme in a long time because I got tired of answering endless lists of pointless questions. Dave of Blogography hates lame memes too, so when he does one, it's usually first quality. Earlier this week he did one that had a strong creative element but still within the skilz level of a l@m3r like me. Dave did a great set of directions, but I will try to explain as well.

1. Pick a band name by visiting a random Wikipedia page. My band is New Jersey Route 164. At first I was ready to pick another, but then I decided there was a certain Springsteenesque cachet to being named after an obscure road. Plus it comes with it's own built in logo. There is also some sort of karmic significance that Route 164 is now Dowd Avenue, which is right by Newark Airport where my son's marching band stayed last spring. The coincidence is now seeming kind of mysterious. I do worry about what WikiGnome decided all the highways in Joisey were WikiWorthy while Josh Fruhlinger gets dumped.

2. Name your album by going to this random quote page. Take the LAST quote on the page and select the last four words of that quote. My full quote is:

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
- G. K. Chesterton
English author & mystery novelist (1874 - 1936)

So the name of the album is The Subject of Cheese, thus making a liar of Chesterton.

3. The album cover art is the THIRD image on the random Flickr page. My image comes from Roland Lacson a/k/a rlphotography who has many wonderful beautiful photographs. Then I ran the whole thing through Photoshop Elements, picked some fonts and came up with this album cover mock-up:


Image rights reserved. Do not reproduce without permission.

I feel a few qualms using a copyrighted picture on my faux album cover, but since I'm not a real rock band, maybe I can get away with it.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Play along either in the comments or on your blog. Pasting up the actual cover is optional.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Exposing Myself



Thursday was Deluker Day and I missed it by that much. For some reason it didn't make Harmonica Man's list of holidays for 2008. Delurker Day was the joint brainstorm of Rude Cactus with Greeblemonkey supplying the innuendo laden graphic. As a side note, the illustration bears a strong resemblance to a famous poster titled "Expose Yourself To Art". Back in college I had a boss that was a dead ringer for the guy in the poster. This boss had a mild reputation as a dirty old man. Nobody ever believed that he had hired the future Playboy "Girls Of The ACC" model in our office sight unseen. He had a framed copy of that poster in his office and was very proud of it. Life was so much more fun when you could have a sense of humor about sex in the office.

Anyways, Delurker Day was clearly a great success, at least for Rude Cactus. He got 190 comments on that post as opposed to 41 the post before and 51 for the following post. And of course he got lots of links from other bloggers playing along with his silly game, including one or two on my blog roll. I suspect that Mr. Cactus has a fairly successful blog. It seems witty and clever enough and clearly way more popular than mine. Besides who among us is not above a few cheap traffic boosting ploys.

I assume Delurker Day has no connection with Mofo Delurker Day which I ridiculed when it rolled around back in October. Once people figure out how easy phony events are to create, we will see more of these silly semi-scams. And browbeating your readers to leave comments because of a day on the calender is pretty played out. Years ago, I declared my Lurkers Welcome Policy. I love comments. I like leaving them and I like getting them. But some people prefer to consume rather than participate. Without readers there would be no writers. Nobody should have to do what they don't want to do.

Once again, I find myself not very convincingly saying to stop worrying about what other people are doing and just do on your blog what makes you happy. If that results in thousands of readers or just a select audience of fifteen, so be it.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: The meta-ironic hypocrisy in even trying makes my head explode.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

iTunes Info

National Blog Posting Month Day 28


I got this meme from Blogography who traffics in only the highest quality memes. I'm very proud of my iTunes library which is nearly all completely legal.

One weird quirk of iTunes is that it places numbers at the end of the alphabet instead of before it. I also wish that it was smart enough to alphabetize by last name and band name without "The". I had a dBase compatible catalog a long, long time ago that I customized and it was able to put Bruce Springsteen between Spandau Ballet Steely Dan.

It annoys me that the Gracenote database is not smart enough to know that AC/DC is the same band as AC-DC. I also hate that iTunes places all the collaborations as separate artists. Jimmy Buffet's License To Chill album has a bunch of different duets that shows up as eight different artists. Mega-annoying.

Enough bitching about iTunes, here's the meme:

How many total songs?
6050 items including podcast episodes and books on CD chapters. They aren't all unique since I buy a lot of 80s music one-hit wonder collections, so I end up with duplicates that I'm too lazy to eliminate.

Sort by song title - first and last...
"A.D. 1928" by Styx to "78% H2O" by Ani DiFranco

Sort by time - shortest and longest...
"Wherever" by Ani DiFranco and "{Silence}" by The Dixie Chicks tied at 7 seconds
"False Echoes" by Jimmy Buffet at 15:55 barely edges out "Telegraph Road" by Dire Straits. I don’t count a 30 minute hidden track on Oh No by OK Go.

Sort by Album - first and last...
Abbey Road by The Beatle to 80s Movie Hits.

Sort by Artist - first and last...

a-ha is first, and 4-Non Blondes is last.

Top five played songs...
They’re all tracks off of Bruce Springsteen’s new Magic album. For some reason the track count keeps resetting itself, so I don't really trust those numbers.

Find the following words. How many songs show up?
Sex: 10
Death: 20 but 11 are Death Cab for Cutie tracks
Love: 328
You: 781
Home: 58
Boy: 125
Girl: 153

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle...
“Long, Long, Long” The Beatles
“I Just Want to Have Something to Do” The Raisins
“Can’t Cry These Tears” Garbage
“Le Bel Age” Pat Benatar
“Good Day Sunshine” The Beatles

BlatantCommentWhoring™: What's on your music player?