Tuesday, September 11, 2007
High School Nude-ical
Every generation thinks they invented sex, despite what all those frisky geezers could teach them. The latest victim of the hubris of presumptive novelty is High School Music star and Teenage Girl President finalist Vanessa Anne Hudgens. Somehow, a photo of her nekkid as a jaybird found its way to the internet.
It’s a hard way to learn the lesson to never have a picture taken you wouldn’t want your mother or potential employer to see. Astoundingly, and perhaps suspiciously, the authenticity of the picture was immediately confirmed and apologies were spread all around. Then more interesting questions started getting asked:
Who took the picture? The general graininess and flash flare makes me think this was a crummy camera with a self-timer set on a dresser. I doubt there was anyone in the room with her.
When was the picture taken? If it was before Vanessa’s eighteenth birthday last December, it would be technically kiddie porn. Since nobody is waving that flag, it must be within the past eight months or so.
Who was the picture for? Opinions here are split between current boyfriend and HSM costar Zac “Too Cute To Be Straight” Efron and Drake Bell of rival tweener network Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh. Zac in a well publicized beach romp with her must already be aware of how smokin’ her bod is. Drake is a rumored former crush and supposedly the recipient of previous advances. As a gentleman, he is denying everything.
Who leaked them onto the internet? The trail here is pretty cold. It could be someone with access to the camera it was taken with. Or it could be a friend of the recipient’s with access to his e-mail account. It could also all be a particularly puzzling publicity ploy since negotiations for HSM3 are still underway.
Is too big a deal being made of this? Most definitely. By sex scandal standards, this is astoundingly tame. Plain Jane nudity is almost quaint in this post-Paris world. We see more every time Britney Spears steps out of a limo. It almost makes Vanessa seem more wholesome. She doesn't have any tattoos or a Brazilian wax. She even took out her belly piercing for the photo. If anything, it shows that her budoir posing skills are every bit as wooden as her acting.
Am I a perv for hunting down this picture? That goes without saying. In my defense, it wasn’t hard to find and I was completely unaware of it until it made every entertainment news outlet ever. I'm not like the guy that found my blog by Googling “Jordan Todosey naked”. The Life With Derek costar has at least six years before her amateur cheesecake is fair game.
How creepy should I feel for thinking she is hot? Creepiness depends on age. Using the “half-your-age plus seven” guideline she’s off-limits to anyone over 22. Even by the more liberal “young enough to be your daughter” rule, I’m in hot water. My son is a senior in high school and actively dating. I just hope none of his girlfriends are sending him their private modeling sessions.
BlatantCommentWhoring™: Vanessa Anne Hudgens - Naïve waif or shameless tramp?