Friday, October 31, 2008

Foma Central Election Special


I don’t like talking politics on my blog because it only alienates people that would otherwise have no reason to hate me. Besides, there are plenty of blogs where you can read lies about all the politicians. Here at Foma Central we are dedicated to “harmless untruths”, the little beliefs that let you rationalize your daily life.

In the interest of genuine debate, I have gathered facts about the candidates from a variety of sources, including, but limited to: Wikipedia, official campaign sites, Wonkette, rabidly partisan blogs, and e-mails forwarded to me by family members. All of the items below have been carefully researched on the internet and are true to the best of people’s ability to believe them. The asterisks are links to the source material.

Barack Hussein Mohammed Obama*
John Sidney McCain III
47 years old (three years older than me)
72 years old (four years older than my retired parents)
Illinois Senate – 4 years
US Senate – 3 years
House of Representatives – 4 years
US Senate – 21 years
No military record.
He earned 17 military awards and decorations include the Silver Star, Legion of Merit, Distinguished Flying Cross, Bronze Star and Navy Commendation Medal, for actions before, during, and after his time as a POW. And crashed five airplanes.*
Graduated at the top of his law class at Harvard.
Graduated fifth from the bottom at the Naval Academy.
His father was a goat-herding Kenyan.
His father was a string-pulling admiral.*
He has two African-American children.
He adopted the two children of his first wife and had another child with her. He and his second wife have four children including an adopted Bangladeshi girl.
His wife is a lawyer that shops at White House/Black Market.*
His wife is a beer heiress that wears Oscar de la Renta.*
Owns a home in Hyde Park, Chicago.
Owns eight homes including ones in Sedona, LaJolla, and three in Phoenix.*
Is the biggest celebrity in the world.*
Has been endorsed by Joe the Plumber.
Pals around with domestic terrorist William Ayers.*
Vacations with bank embezzler Charles Keating.*
Has no executive experience.*
Has no executive experience.
Running mate is a plagiarist* who has been a senator for 32 years.
Running mate is a moose hunter* who has been a governor for 23 months.
Favors socialistic wealth redistribution.*
Accepted over one hundred million dollars in taxpayer funding for his campaign.*
Gets campaign contributions from all sorts of shady sources.*
Gets campaign contributions from all sorts of shady sources.*
Caused the housing crisis.*
Caused the economic disaster.*
His tax plan would save my family $2,789.*
I probably won’t get it.
His tax plan would save my family $4,380.
Since the Senate and House will still be Democratically controlled if McCain is elected, I definitely won't get it.
Is a secret Muslim.* Muslims believe in polygamy.
He divorced his first wife one month before marrying the second.*
Is anti-American.*
Is a self-confessed war criminal.*
Not a natural born citizen.*
Not a natural born citizen.*

If you don't trust my word on any of these, feel free to follow the links I provided or Google the topic yourself and do your own research. Just don't call me a bleeding-heart, pinko, neo-Nazi wingnut for presenting the facts.

I only hope that as you review what I have gathered that you carefully consider the positions of each candidate and make sure you vote for the candidate of your choice. Even if they can't legally serve as President because neither are natural born citizens.

8 comments:

Scottynuke said...

I can't believe you forgot about Obama's abandoned half-brother and McCain's favorite synonym for "wife."

Well done! :-)

VE said...

Interesting list. What are all the asterix for? Are those the disputed items?

yellojkt said...

The asterisks are the links to the source material. I may make that more prominent.

dbG said...

Loved this: Socialist vs.
Accepted over one hundred million dollars in taxpayer funding for his campaign.*

baltimorediary said...

Not to mention the running mate who gets huge amounts of money from the oil companies and then uses that money to cut a check to every person in Alaska. Just sayin'.

Where did that pic of McCain come from?

yellojkt said...

I don't quite remember where I got AngryMcCain, but every time I do a Google Image search, he's on the first page. It sure looks like a screen capture of some sort.

Alaska: Ths Socialists Next To Russia

Mooselet said...

I'd like to see you do this for the VP candidates.

This was great.

Frank said...

I have gathered facts about the candidates from a variety of sources, including, but limited to: Wikipedia, official campaign sites, Wonkette, rabidly partisan blogs, and e-mails forwarded to me by family members.