Sunday, February 22, 2009

Liveblogging The Oscar Live Blogs

Tonight I am going to go for the ADD award by following several websites that are liveblogging the Oscars and posting the best of the comments. The ones I am following are:
Jez: Jezebel
Ablog: Achenblog
WaPo: Washington Post
EW: Entertainment Weekly
Def: Defamer

Here goes nothing.

8:22
Ablog (CqP): Matthew Broderick looks fine in his grey steaked hair.
Jez: Tracie: marissa tomei's forehead=botox
WaPo: Liz Kelly: Ick -- that Vanessa Hudgens dress looks like a cast off from "Too Wong Foo." What was she thinking?

8:38
Me: Hugh Jackman does a pretty fair Billy Crystal complete with a Wolverine plug. And Anne Hathaway is a good sport.
WaPo: Jen Chaney: Yes, this number isn't very X Men. [snip} He's clearly taking a page from Billy Crystal.
EW: Thom: Ah, a Wolverine plug. But somehow I don't think any of the X-Men fanboys are still watching. They must have decided this was the Tonys and flipped the channel.

8:47

MyWife: Goldie Hawn has had a few surgeries. Look at how tight everything is.
Jez: tracie: this will sound weird, but goldie hawn looks so much like my aunt maryellen, particularly in the chest/boob area.
EW: Mandi: Goldie Hawn as Worst Dressed?
WaPo: Jen Chaney: I don't know, I think Goldie's dress is a little snug.

9:00

Me: I am so hot for Tina Fey.
Ablog: (Raysmom) Tina Fey's dress is absolutely gorgeous.

9:07

MyWife: OMG! Jennifer Anniston.
Me: So?
MyWife: Brad and Angelina are there too. They just cut to them. You miss everything doing that (referring to my blogging)
Jez: hortense: Headline on US Weekly tomorrow: "Angelina Laughs At Jen's Joke"
Anna: or it will be: "Was Angelina Faking Finding Jen's Joke Funny?"
hortense: "Angelina: Laughing With Jen, Or At Her?"
Def: JenniferLina CatfightWatch: Jennifer Aniston moves from stage right to center stage—withing queef distance of Angelina Jolie.
WaPo: Jen Chaney: A little tacky. And yet, it's what we all secretly wanted, isn't it? {snip} And do we really need to explain why they cut to Angie? We all know why. At least they wanted until a moment when Angelina was smiling.
EW: Mandi: Brad and Angelina laughing at Jennifer having to talk about animated pandas instead of saving the world and its children.

9:33

Me: Natalie Portman is getting more and more Audrey Hepburn every year.
Def: For some reason they're allowing Natalie Portman to present with her boyfriend Devendra Bernhardt.

9:41

MyWife: (about Jessica Biel) They don't look in a mirror first?
Jez: hortense: Jessica Biel= worst dressed list?
WaPo: Jen Chaney: And if I may quote a previous chat commenter, here is Jessica Biel in her "diaper." She is doing a salute to the scientific and technical Oscars, which she hosted a couple of weeks ago. Presumably in a different diaper.

9:58
Me: Why does 'Mama Mia' need a drumline. And they better cut to a reaction from Meryl Streep.
EW: Thom: Ah, so Baz Luhrmann is responsible. That explains a lot. I think he was trying to do a musical montage like "The Elephant Love Song" from Moulin Rouge, but this so didn't work.
Def: Wow. Baz Luhrmann just mounted the worst Oscar number since this disaster. It was like something you'd see on a cruise ship hosting the AVN Awards.
Jez: i like the drumline in white tie
ABlog (rd): It certainly is an interesting production. Hugh Jackman gets kudos for pulling out all the stops. Still, somehow it thematically reminds me a bit too much of Rosie O'Donnell's variety show. All over the place.

10:30
MyWife: Sound editing is the only category we've seen all the movies in.
WaPo: Smith is now presenting sound mixing. This is one way they are saving time, P.S. By having the same presenters rattle through several categories in a row. Which makes sense.

10:39
MyWife: You had Heidi Klum followed by Tim Gunn back to back.
Jez: tracie: two project runway-ish commercials in a row?

10:55
Me: The Slumdog sweep is in high gear. I keep thinking 'Jai Ho' is 'Tally Ho'.
Def: An insomnia-curing medley of best scores results in WINNER, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE's A.R. Rahman bringing down the house with a prepared bit about his wife, followed by a slow burn that would make Jack Benny envious. Just kidding—that was really awkward. Rahman redeems himself by throwing off his Nehru jacket, displaying a surprisingly ripped physique, and launching into song.
EW: Mandi: I think the only thing that will save this show now is Hugh making a joke about how slow it feels, and taking off his shirt to give it a jolt. Who's with me?
EW: Thom: And the Slumdog sweep continues. For those of you counting at home, that's five awards so far.

My comment used on the WaPo chat:

Fo, MA: Peter Gabriel not singing is also known as the Phil Collins snub since he didn't sing it when he was nominated. The Academy must hate Genesis.
Jen Chaney: As far as the Academy is concerned, they do not seem to have an invisible touch.

11:11
Me: The Death Pool Montage! Finally! Oddly tasteful. Best applause in descending order: Paul Newman, Sydney Pollack, Harold Pinter.
Def: The In Memoriam segment finally enters the HD era. We begin with Cyd Charisse—begin scoring your 'In Memoriam' Oscar Montage Pool accordingly. The Grieve-O-Meter seems to be functioning, with the needle flipping right towards the end with Sydney Pollack, Paul Newman. WHERE'S HEATH? He was squeezed in last year, but is there some Academy law about not double-dipping? He died in January 22, 2008. Also—no George Carlin. And Charlton Heston barely registered with the audience. But wait—no George Carlin?! That's an outrage! Oscar controversy!!!
Jez: Sadie: I hate how it's an applause popularity contest!
WaPo: In Memoriam: I thought I heard (or maybe it was wishful thinking) that producers were going to drown out audience applause for this montage, because it really is the cruelest popularity contest ever. Jen Chaney: It is. But they didn't.

11:28
Me: This Best Actress bit is like an American Idol vote-off.
Def: The ActorTron 2000 spits out five more amazingly well-preserved Academy Award winners.
Jen Chaney: Okay, the one flaw in this multi-presenter thing is the thanking goes on a little long.
A-Blog (mudge): I gotta say, I really like this format of having five presenters and their doing a direct address to the nominees. Although I do miss seing a minute or so of the clips.

11:49
Me: This thing might actually be over by midnight.
Jez: dodai: How much over are we? It was supposed to end at 11:30 right?
Jez: tracie: 25 minutes over
EW: Thom: The show clocked in at three and a half hours exactly. Is that what you guessed in the office pool
A-blog (fb): Ok, time for lights out. Toodles boodle and sweet dreams.

12:06

Me: And that goes double for me.

3 comments:

baltimorediary said...

Hey! This was way more entertaining that the real thing. Now I'm even less sorry that I didn't see it.

Jeff said...

Damn... and to think I wasted my time going out to dinner with my wife.

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