Sunday, November 26, 2006

Cha-Cha-Cha Charmin

My family just returned from our semi-annual Broadway Show Blowout. I may review the shows we saw a little later on, but the true highlight of the trip was a visit to the Charmin Restrooms. For the holiday season, Charmin has converted an abandoned Times Square videogame emporium into the world’s most luxurious public restrooms.

You stand in line to go up a long escalator to the second level where they have installed about twenty temporary restrooms. The waiting area has couches and a video map of where all the visitors have come from. Each room is cleaned after each use and has unlimited Charmin Ultra toilet paper available.

But the real attraction is the multimedia spectacular. It's almost Disneyesque in the level of entertainment experience. The place is staffed with dozens of fresh-scrubbed assistants that give everybody a round of applause when a stall is available. They also hand out samples, dress as the Charmin bear, and lead dances to the jingle.

The jingle is a video of people dancing to the catchy butt-shaking tune of their commercial, but the words have been changed. The lyrics aren’t on the official Charmin website, so I transcribed some of them here. I need a more complete set if anybody else knows them.

A little wiggle to the left
A little wiggle to the right
It’s sheer delight
You’re the softness that I seek
When we’re dancing cheek to cheek
It’s alarmin!

A little sa-sa-sachet
A little bump and grind
I hope you don’t mind
That’s how I express
Your special tenderness

Parts of it can be heard on this YouTube video I found. There is also a longer video that tours the whole set-up. Even Times Square’s infamous Naked Cowboy is in on the act.

Like any tune-cootie, it’s simple and insidious. The whole set-up is done tongue in cheek and never has doing your business been so much fun.

Blatant Comment Whoring™: Tasteless or good clean fun?


HRH Courtney, Queen of Everything said...

Clean restrooms in Times Square are worth the commercialism and ridiculousness.

Elizabeth said...

I think it's great! Hey, it fills a public need and doesn't use taxes to do it! More power to them!!

yellojkt said...

The best restrooms I had found in Times Square used to be in the basement of the Virgin Megastore back in the porn section. They were often rather, uh, fragrant. I think Courtney has a point.

Anonymous said...

Abandoned game emporium? Is that the place that had the sign out front telling you that a handful of quarters could still buy you some fun in Times Square?

yellojkt said...

That is a clever slogan. Bar Code was the name of the old gaming place and it was like a futuristic Dave and Busters. If a place like that can't make it in Times Square, I don't know what can.

Anonymous said...

Sweet! Damn, why'd I have to go and leave New York? My butt needs some Charmin lovin'.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I wish I could visit that place. My youngest is a devotee of all public restrooms. He has to visit the port-a-potty at every sporting event at least once, even if he is in the game. Whenever we go to the store, he has to make a trip to the bathroom. I was worried about him having some issues but Mom said my sister was the same way. This would be his nirvana.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

I was with you until the part where you said they clap when a stall opens up. Sorry, I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Harmonica Man - good fun until the clapping starts. I'd feel like I needed to bow or something.

Can you squeeze the Charmin?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, this just makes me sad because it reminds me of Gene Weingarten (especially the clapping)--and that just reminds me that his chat is dark until April. Boo hoo.

Seriously, New York can be a cruel place and the lack of decent public restrooms is not the least of it. I think it's great that Charmin is doing this. I hope their stock goes up and they go year-round with this concept.

Anonymous said...

I visited these toilets over Thanksgiving and have just been reminded of the song. I really wanted to find the song, but couldn't - I did, however, stumble upon your blog where you gave me the idea of searching YouTube for them. And I found the perfect video which contains a clear version of the entire song! So, you may have already seen this, but I thought you might enjoy..

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kamagra said...

Wow pas a long time since i hear this song, last time was when i was very young if i remember it, well thanks for share, this brought me some memories.

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