Tuesday, April 29, 2008

More Very Special Episodes

On of my inexplicably popular blog posts is Very Special Episodes where I came up with modern day After School Special type plotlines for some shows currently popular with the tweener set.

That original post was inspired by Jamie Lynn Spears getting herself knocked up despite being a sixteen year old role model for millions of girls. Now another Disney starlet has caused a kerfuffle by posing in a revealing way for Vanity Fair. While it’s nowhere near as bad as going all Juno, it is causing plenty of consternation.

So to exploit a hot topic and give me an excuse to do more clip art trolling through the Disney and Nickelodeon photo archives, I bring you the episodes that might happen if some squeaky clean shows decided to film some Law and Order-style ripped-from-the-headlines sexed-up storylines.


Carly and Sam notice that their website traffic has tripled overnight. Then they realize that it has been vandalized and redirects to a Russian Lolita site where somebody has photoshopped their heads onto naked pictures of underage girls. About the same time, they notice Freddie flashing a lot of money around. They don disguises and follow him but find out that it was his bar mitzvah money (nobody, including the writers, knew he was Jewish). They return home laughing off the misunderstanding only to catch Spencer installing a webcam behind the mirror in the bathroom. In the next episode, Tina Yothers joins the cast as Carly's Child Protective Services case worker.

High School Musical 3

Sharpay’s dad loses his entire fortune in the Bear Stearns financial meltdown and the family is impoverished. To keep up her standard of living she begins a call-girl ring with her equally destitute friends. In a musical cat fight sequence set in the girls locker room, Gabrielle and Sharpay accidentally get their phones switched. When Troy finds the escort service website he calls the number and gets Gabrielle by mistake. She thinks he’s asking her on a date and he keeps trying to negotiate price without saying anything incriminating. Meanwhile, Ryan gets up the nerve to call Gabrielle for a date only to make an appointment with his sister instead. They all meet at a high class hotel and farcical misunderstandings ensue when it turns out that Chad and Taylor have also checked in under assumed names. Somehow Gabrielle ends up getting talked into taking nude pictures of herself that leak onto the net. The movie ends with a huge song and dance number set at the senior prom where all the guys' dates demand their money in advance.

Cory In The House

President Richard Martinez na├»vely gets tricked into “tapping toes” with a guy in an airport bathroom right as a phony undercover cop walks in. Cory finds out from Sophie that her dad is being blackmailed and that if the president resigns Victor Baxter will lose his job. Corey and Newt develop a plan to catch the blackmailer, so they go undercover in full S&M gear to a DC leather bar. They find the sleazebag (guest star Alan Ruck) and trick him into admitting it was all a set-up. They bust into the Oval Office to give President Martinez the evidence exonerating him only to discover Meena giving him oral sex underneath the desk.

Hannah Montana

Hannah gets offered a photo shoot for a fashion magazine by noted artsy photographer Connie Lingus. Hannah gets all into it and reveals a little more than she should. Connie promises to not use the pictures but Rico finds them on a laptop and sells them to Oliver and all the other boys in the school. They pin the picture up in their lockers and start a bunch of trash talk about how Hannah is a cheap over-exposed tramp. Miley gets mad at how she is being made into a sex object and makes a big speech in the cafeteria about how it is wrong to objectify underage girls. Her dad takes her aside and shows her the royalty rates on her DVD sales and she slinks away chastised.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: I'm not even going to go into it. The Cyrus family seems to be doing plenty of whoring on their own.


Anonymous said...

You, sir, are an evil genius.

yellojkt said...


That is a high compliment coming from you.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Wouldn't 1/2 naked pictures of a 15 year old need to be approved by her parents before the magazine could publish them? Please don't tell me her parents signed off on this.

yellojkt said...

There's a lot of backpedaling on who was keeping track of the the set and the pictures. My working theory is they they were starstruck by the reputation of Annie Liebowitz and didn't realize how suggested nudity would play in Peoria.

Anonymous said...

I know this wasn't the point of your post, but frankly I think the whole "starstruck" thing is a lot of crap.

Personally I don't have a problem with the picture (although I admit that this is the only one of the set I've seen). You can certainly do a lot worse than the uncovered back of a person who's wrapped in a sheet. Hell, if she'd worn a bikini we'd be seeing a lot more than this. I think we're getting one of those transitory images that some not-quite-a-child-anymore star types manage to do well and others, not so much. In this case I think she did all right and to say, AFTER the hoopla, that they were Shocked! Shocked, to discover that there was gambling going on in the casino is nonsense.

As for the heart of your post, Wee One watches almost all of these shows and you're waaay too plugged into them for my comfort level. I don't think I could have named all of the characters with your level of facility. And anyway, you forgot "Suite Life of Zack and Cody".

yellojkt said...

I didn't buy the Cyrus story either.

Wikipedia and IMDB are my friends for these posts. They give me character names and show premises. I have never seen an episode of Cory In The House. I will admit to liking iCarly mostly because Miranda Cosgrove was so good in School of Rock. Hannah Montana is just painful to watch. That show is SOOOO bad.

yellojkt said...

I did "Zack and Cody" in the older post I linked to. Another show that is pretty bad.

Anonymous said...

I love the idea of Alan Ruck as the bad guy. Well done.

yellojkt said...

Thanks, td. It's the little details that I'm proudest of.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I actually think the picture of Miley is a bit creepy. It's not shocking so much as just wrong. But in the world of Hollyweird, I imagine it's just another day...no worse than Brit's sister getting knocked up.

Bob S. said...

I'm in awe of your mastery of disturbing humor. As you say, it's the little touches that make it work.