Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Celebrity Shots

In addition to my duties as lead blogger here at Foma* Central and my role as a Boodler on the Achenblog, I am also a part-time Liz-ard at Celebritology, the Washington Post’s celebrity gossip blog written by the lovely, talented and ever so sarcastic Liz Kelly. Lately I have been amusing myself with some of my particularly clever bon mots over there. I’ve decided that these asides are too precious to not be recycled in complete defiance of Rule 7 of the washingtonpost.com User Discussion and Submission Guidelines which states:
For any content that you submit, you give us permission to use such content. You hereby grant to Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive, LLC a royalty-free, irrevocable, perpetual, worldwide, exclusive [emphasis mine], and fully sublicensable license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, incorporate into other works, distribute, perform, display, and otherwise exploit such content, in whole or in part in any form, media or technology now known or later developed.
In flagrant violation of that rule I now present some news items and my reaction:

News Item: 45-year-old Lisa Rinna will be shooting a nude layout for Playboy this year.
My Take: Early this week I expressed alarm at finding out just how far Lisa Rinna has taken her lip-enhancing collagen shots. Mind bleach, pronto.

News Item: Fandango published a list of the Ten Sexiest Women that inexplicably omitted the true Hottest. Woman. Ever.
My Take: Clearly they retired Angelina Jolie’s jersey to give other hotties a fighting chance.

News Item: Jeremey Piven dropped out of the Broadway production of Speed the Plow because of an illness brought on by eating too much mercury-laced sushi and Chinese herbs.
My Take: Poor Jeremy Piven. I hope they find the sleezeball that is selling all that mercury-laced cocaine, er, sushi. I meant sushi.
My Further Take: It doesn't take a genius to figure out just which 'Chinese herbs' are included in a Colombia roll.

News Items: Tom Cruise is garnering very bad reviews in his new World War II era action flick.
My Take: The general buzz on Tom Cruise's Valkyrie performance is that it lacks the subtlety and gravitas of the late Werner Klemperer.

Bonus News Item: Michael Jackson turned fifty this week.
My Take: When asked for a comment, Jacko paraphrased Matthew McConaughey and said, “That's what I love about these preschoolers, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

We now resume our regular holiday blogging.

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