Fine 70s Cheese

Update (6/19/06): This page has been the subject of intense Google®Searching for "subtitle of a rupert holmes hit with the" today. If somebody would please explain why everyone needs to know this and how you have never heard of "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" before. Thanks. Feel free to read the entire post and leave a comment. I'm just intensely curious about this Blogstorm.


Last week, trusty had a post on guilty music pleasures. I didn’t make a big deal because I don’t consider my musical pleasures guilty. Then Ces at Drink At Work declared his bad taste in music for all to ridicule. The gauntlet was thrown.

Back in the early days of file sharing, before Napster brought it to the masses, I would create themed mix CD’s from music I “borrowed” from Internet Relay Chat. Part of the challenge was to come up with a playlist and then hunt down the songs. One of my proudest achievements was a CD I made called “CHEESE – The Worst #1 Hits Of The ‘70’s”.

As the self-explanatory subtitle reveals, the key for inclusion was that each song had to have been a number 1 Billboard Hit during the 1970s. The definitive source is Joel Whitburn’s Billboard Book of Top 40 Hits, which has an appendix that lists every number one hit of the rock era. Not only did it have to be popular it had to be bad. Bad in the “not good” sense, not the “cool” sense. These songs are truly awful.

The real trouble was limiting to what would fit on a single CD. I finally narrowed it down to 22 songs that could easily be the playlist for WHLL-AM. My only regret is that nothing Dr. Hook released made number one. "Sylvia’s Mother Said" belongs in this collection so bad.

So here is the definitive list, no argument allowed, of the worst hit songs of the 1970s.

Artist – Title, Year, Weeks at #1
Blue Suede – “Hooked On A Feeling”, 1974, 1
Paper Lace – “The Night Chicago Died” 1974, 1
Bay City Rollers – “Saturday Night” 1975, 1
Carl Douglas – “Kung Fu Fighting” 1974, 2
Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods – “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero” 1974, 2
The Raiders – “Indian Reservation” 1971, 1
Cher – “Gypsies, Tramps, & Thieves” 1971, 2
Helen Reddy – “Delta Dawn” 1973, 1
Maureen McGovern – “The Morning After” 1973, 2
Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight” 1974, 3
Paul Anka – “You’re Having My Baby” 1974, 3
Mary MacGregor – “Torn Between Two Lovers” 1977, 2
Debby Boone – “You Light Up My Life” 1977, 10
Vicki Lawrence – “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” 1973, 2
BJ Thomas – “Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” 1975, 1
Captain & Tenille – “Love Will Keep Us Together” 1975, 4
Three Dog Night – “Joy To The World” 1971, 6
Dawn – “Knock Three Times” 1971, 3
A Taste of Honey – “Boogie Oogie Oogie” 1978, 3
Chic – “La Freak” 1978, 6
Rupert Holmes – “Escape (The Pina Colada Song) ” 1979, 3
CW McCall – “Convoy” 1976, 1

The truly sad thing is that I have this CD on shuffle play as I am posting this and I am grooving to every tune. The power of nostalgia.

I am open to nominations for Volume II. The criteria are the same. It must be a number one hit from the 70s. If you aren’t sure, nominate it and I will post in the comments where the song peaked if it doesn’t qualify.

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