And we wrap up the qualifying rounds of this year's National Kinkiest Komics Karacter Kontest with the most anticipated category, the running of the MILFs. Comic moms, like CBS sitcom wives, have always been much hotter than their dorky husbands, a wish fulfillment scenario that explains a lot about comic strip writers. Because of the strong field, I have excluded the soap moms (namely June Morgan and Abby Spencer) in hopes of keeping some balance. What makes a mom hot is up to your own fevered imagination, but I will try to handicap the field.
Alice Mitchell
Dennis The Menace
When it comes to the classic Father Knows Best traditional mom, none can top the perfectly coiffed and preternaturally slim Alice Mitchell. This SAHM is also almost always mute in the daily strips alternating between expressions of exasperated exhaustion and bemused affection.
Connie Duncan
Zits
With unconventional good looks, Connie with the inverted ta-tas spends her time keeping her teenage slacker son in line. One has to suspect she has a medicine cabinet of mother's little helpers to help her make it through the day.
Addy Lamarr
Heart of the City
This young single mother is always frazzled. Keeping up with her tutu-ed hellion takes all her energy. Without a man in the household, she needs some adult companionship to keep her out of the sherry. I'm sure she is only two jello shots away from dancing on the table.
Juliette Burber
9 Chickweed Lane
No comic mom has a higher libido than Juliette Burber, mother of the equally hormonal Edda. The leopard print panties alone are enough to pique the imagination. While she recently made an honest man out of her milquetoast boyfriend, one suspects he cannot possibly be man enough for her.
Nancy DeGroot
Luann
Speaking of jungle cats, there is a bit of the cougar in Nancy DeGroot as she probes into TJ's sordid and possibly imaginary past. While not as voluptuous as some of the other entries, those are serious DSL smackers she has on her.
Thelma Keane
Family Circus
Don't be fooled by the overly sensible Mom-Do she sports, those are some serious sweater puppies that Thel is smuggling under her turtleneck. You don't get four kids that close in age to each other without being a little frisky. I'd just be a little wary of getting too close to anything that popped out Billy and Dolly.
Blondie Bumstead
Blondie
Blondie is the only titular mom in the field. If the contest were based on cup size alone, there would be no competition whatsoever. However, despite her penchant for lounging in lacy lingerie, Blondie seems to do little actual parenting, preferring to focus on her catering business.
I'm sure I haven't covered all the many fine comic moms so feel to write in your personal favorite. I expect this category to be the competitive and popular one yet.
38 comments:
What?! No June Morgan? Just because Sarah's birth was the result of an immaculate conception?
I could see leaving Abbey Spencer out of this, as she's only an adoptive mom. Still hot, though...
bats: yellojkt explained why June and Abbey are DQ'd from this round.
Speaking of DQ'd: yello, what's with all the acronyms? SAHM? DSL? A sixties Texas rocker who dislikes cable TV?
SAHM is Stay At Home Mom. You're on your own for DSL because the acronym is less work-safe than MILF.
And of course DQ means "Dairy Queen", in both the Dennis the Menace and the Blondie sense.
I'm not seeing the poll. Can we vote via comments?
1. I'm glad Heart's mom finally made the roster.
2. I had no idea that was her name.
3. Despite the fact that it is used completely accurately and appropriately, there's still something titanically titillating about your use of the word 'titular' there.
'Titular' is one of my favorite words (behind 'defenestrate') and I use it whenever possible.
Ben,
The poll is some sort of script so maybe a different browser will make it appear. If not tell me what your vote is and I will stuff the box appropriately.
wolfdog,
Heart's mom is an under-appreciated gem.
Weirdly enough I went out for a couple of hours and refreshed when I got home, and the poll was there again. Weird. But thank you, and I may be doing that in the future.
I've always been a bit smitten with Blondie Bumstead.
Maybe it's just me, but I'll throw in a vote for Maureen from 'My Cage'.
Keil: I think we can discount Maureen from My Cage because her being a "foxy" single mom is absolutely the MILF trope being lampshaded visually...
I knew neither Heart's mom's first name, nor her own last name. Thanks for the tip.
I'd "lampshade" it.
Man, you had to go and run this out there when I had to attend a birthady party on Sunday and then spend all day moving my oldest daughter home from college. I’m dead tired, but I’ll see what I can do.
Alice Mitchell: I think she would have done a lot better in the dominatrix category. She’s a little too skinny and a lot too old school for my tastes.
Connie Duncan: I cannot think of a single thing about this woman that could be considered hot. Starting with her Dilbert breasts and on through the host of other problems and right back to her “inverted ta-tas”. She and Walt probably should have been in the kinkiest couple round. I could have made an interesting case for them, but not here.
Addy Lamarr: I nominated her (and have in the past as well) and I do have a soft spot for her in my heart. In real life, she is probably the one I’d go for (though I’d be a lot happier with Dean as a stepkid than Heart). But we’re looking at hotness here, and I’m afraid I’m going to have to give Addy second place. Because Addy is up against…
Juliet Burber: While not quite on par with her offspring (and not only due to the effects of time), Juliet has definitely got “it”. This is a woman who can literally knock your socks off with a kiss or even just a look. She is also the most overtly sexual of our candidates. I’m not much for leopard print undies and her mother is a major drawback, but Juleit gets my vote.
Nancy DeGroot: Another one who might have done better together with her husband in the couples category. An attractive woman, certainly, but not really up to her competition. Third place.
Thelma Keane: No. Just… no.
Blondie: I’ve never gone for the overly made-up thing. Plus she’s a zombie of the first order. I have always tended to disqualify zombies and I always will (unless we have a zombie category some day, of course).
So, Juliet it is. Addy is the girl you take home to meet the parents and spend the rest of your life with, but Juliet is the one to help you get rid of all of your wild oats first.
I went for Alice Mitchell because that little strand of hair popping out of her coif --- always into a perfect little "3" --- just drives me wild.
But Lois Flagston needs to be here. She's got her a Meg Ryan thingie happening.
Lois just missed the cut. A little too white bread to really spark the juices.
the mom from baby blues...
I came in 100% intending to vote for Blondie Bumstead.
'Til I found myself masturbating to a 9 Chickweed Lane comic!
How the mom from Cul de Sac did not make this list, I do not understand. She is THE true MILF: harried, yet sane (in a completely insane household), whose maternal shell can't conceal the latent sexuality lying beneath the surface.
These great write-ins are proof I couldn't please everybody. To me, the Cul-de-Sac mom looks too much like my mom to be sexy, but hey, different strokes...particularly to you DJ.
I came here knowing who I'd vote for, but she's not on the list! Janis Day of Arlo and Janis.
My write-in goes to the sadly overlooked Rose Gumbo of "Rose Is Rose".
Write in for June Morgan!
Alice Mitchell (Dennis The Menace) 14% (65 Votes)
Blondie Bumstead (Blondie) 34% (162 Votes)
WHAT IS THIS TOMFOOLERY
Blondie isn't even fit to be a mother, unlike dear Alice.
Hrmm, hrmm, yes... Very difficult choice, many good contenders. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to take the bold move of submitting a write-in vote for Calvin's Mom. So she hasn't been in a strip for nearly 15 years. That doesn't change the fact that no other comics mom gets my motor running quite the way she does.
My write-in vote goes to Doonesbury's Boopsie, wife of B.D., mother of Samantha.
My vote goes to Lois Flagstone of Hi & Lois!
Lois Flagston once appeared topless (seen from the back) giving the baby a bath. I still remember that one strip from maybe 40 years ago very, very fondly!
I actually find the mom from One Big Happy to be very attractive.
Nancy's Aunt Fritzi technically isn't a mom, but I say she's close enough!
I'm writing in Brenda Starr even though since hers is nominally a soap strip she's not technically eligible. However, she's my all-time favorite MILF and comes second in the CILF category only to Modesty Blaise.
Brenda deserves a little publicity since it's the best strip currently running.
Definitely, Alice Mitchell! She is thin, blonde and super patient! I bet she would win, I can bet my Generic Viagra supplies for a year! Anyone willing to?
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Sally Forth. Big tatas.the woman from family circus always looks like an x-manson girl.any number of times I've expected to see her rolling the car into a lake with all the kids locked in.
Sally Forth. Big tatas.the woman from family circus always looks like an x-manson girl.any number of times I've expected to see her rolling the car into a lake with all the kids locked in.
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