Saturday, June 07, 2008

Streets of Soho


I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
walkin through the streets of Soho in the rain.
He was lookin for the place called Lee Ho Fooks,
gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein.


On Thursday I posted a picture of me in front of Lee Ho Fooks, the Soho Chinese restaurant made famous by Warren Zevon. The slip of paper in my hand was not a menu, but a coupon that a street barker was handing out. In our group that was touring together, there was an age divide right around 35 that recognized the cultural significance of the place while the younger generation was perplexed with our fascination.

Since we were with a group tour, we had most of our meals covered which meant eating a lot of mediocre food in places that cater to tourists. We had fish and chips one night and curry another. We did have Chinese one day at a different Chinatown place, but no beef chow mein.

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On our free night, we found ourselves back in the Soho/Charing Cross area looking for a place and stumbled onto Norman’s Coach and Horses that was a traditional British pub catering to the locals rather than the tourists. And even though we picked it at random out of severe hunger, it seems that the place has a colorful history. The upstairs dining room was closed for a private party but they let us eat down in the pub portion. I had a bangers sandwich that had a cutesy name and my wife had the meat pie. Both were delicious.

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We kept getting jostled by the drinking patrons who were very wrapped up in watching some international rugby tournament. For dessert, two doors down was an authentic French pastry shop with outdoor dining. That was a great way to satisfy our sweet tooths in Soho. So we had lots of great dining in London, but never did run into any werewolves with perfect hair walking with the queen.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Personality Drink Quiz


By the date of the is file, I stole this quiz from HRH Courtney quite a while ago. But it's funny even if kinda dopey. Hint: Take it more than once to realize that it's just mega-random.

The Recipe For yellojkt

3 parts Shrewdness
2 parts Prosperity
1 part Understanding

Splash of Slyness

Finish off with whipped cream

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Links Not Safe For Anywhere


Rob Balder is a song parodist that works the geek circuit. I saw him last year at Balticon (the graduation festivities prevented me from letting my nerd flag fly this year) with several other members of the Funny Music Project. The FuMP aspires to incubate the next Weird Al and releases two songs a week on their website and as a podcast.

I subscribe through iTunes and find maybe one in five songs funny, but since it doesn't cost anything to listen, no harm, no foul. One song called "JFGI" (and I did have to Google the title) was a random list of phrases monotoned Alan Ginsberg style. I went to the website and got this explanation:
All of the phrases in this song were entered into a search engine at least once, causing someone to click through to TheFuMP.com or SuddenDeath.org.
We all get very strange search engine links. I know that Flasshe puts one in many of his posts. I'm still skeeved out that I get weekly hits for "Jordan Todosey naked", but if you mention the thirteen-year-old actress in the same post as The Naked Brothers Band, it's bound to happen.







Since the song's lyrics were all Google searches I decided to see where they went. I've gone and done the "I'm Feeling Lucky" search for each phrase. A few just led back to the song, so I went on to the next ranked site. While I did this with SafeSearch off, only one link led to a genuine porn site. And its probably not the one you would expect. Several led to YouTube clips, so I marked those as such, just in case you don't want the distraction. A few lead to either the official site or MySpace page of a band and could play music randomly. You've been warned.

See if you are as curious as I was. A disturbingly large number of links lead to medical sites. I don't know if that reflects on the typical Google search or the subject matter of FuMP songs.
JFGI

fat chicks in spandex
meredith baxter birney my breast
praying to the porcelain god
see peoples guts and boobs
eat all the old people song
what is meant by halitosis
funny rapers (Video, and the funniest of the lot)
wonder woman topless
resthome for hoes
do the pee wee herman
pictures of maggots in a cat
psycho slut from hell
the pill mood swing cures
skinny dipping woman with boobs showing
i got a hangnail hangin from my cuticle
pissin blood in urine
paddle my bum free download
death worm
the most wonderful kind of brassiere
public enemy lyrics stomp a mud hole in your ass
boobs tits melons cans racks
melvin and the chipmunks
taliban on ice
rubber master
brobdingnagian blender
duh duh diarrhea
lederhosen teenager
clips showing little boys being potty trained and going pee

I spy
An infinite supply of passers-by.
They misidentify but come to verify
And clarify.
I'm terrified and horrified,
Yet purified, they glorify
The Ubermind, the great Third Eye.
You want to find
Who, what or why?
JFGI.

im in yur cat
infected hangnail
chester cheese woods
lex luthor raper
lolcats addiction
cause for blown up stomach
buffet design
dr. demento and gonorrhea
chuck norris is a sissy
chicken explosion blood baby monsters
pimple on back that turned black
take maxi pads trash
babaganoosh is in the house
which reo speedwagon song is used in horton hears a who
star trek boxer shorts
galaga ship
aquadots
police nabbed my dad (Video)
sears funny clerk lingerie dept
yuppie bathrooms
dead brain
what is degenerated cell
soviet duck
blood covered boobs
hermione strips
world robot
godzilla sample
snorks theme song
woman knee in the balls
the meaning of miserable
peekin in someones bathroom
fake inflatable breasts (Video)
mild attack of dyslexia
zombie death horde
albino claw footed frog
inflatable love
codeine
superfriends porn
breasts like basketballs
a moose once bit my sister
stupid and loud
hobbit potato (Video)
girls in bikinis getting wedgies
how i got the clap
gallbladder palpitations
how people look like when burned
lettuce worms
piss into his face
be nice to new jersey

don't shoot rob balder (Video)
The last line is a parody of "Don't Talk" as performed by Rob Balder and other members of the FuMP crew.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Which of these disturbed you the most? Which one did you have to check out?

Monday, June 02, 2008

BooksFirst - May 2008


Books Bought

None

Books Read

Funny Boys by Warren Adler
Comrade J by Pete Early

Comments

Both of the books I read this month were impulse check-outs from the local library in the new releases section. The library is a good place to find recent books that may not be getting the front of the store publicity at the local BigBoxOfBooks™.

I picked Funny Boys by Warren Adler because the cover blurb said it was by the writer of The War Of The Roses. While I haven’t seen that movie, I am a fan of dark humor and expected as much from this book. Dark it definitely is, comedy is a little tougher to call. The hero of the book is Mickey Fine, an aspiring Borscht Belt comedian that takes a job as the “tumbler” or social director/master of ceremonies at a Mob-run Catskills resort. The entire cast of Jewish and Italian gangsters talk with accents that would make Damon Runyon wince. Mickey is the jokester that is never short of a sub-Henny Youngman-esque one-liner.

Despite the corny lines, the humor in the book is plenty dark. The gangsters are based on real 1930s thugs and do all the killing, stealing, loan-sharking, and pimping you would expect. The book has a sexual explicitness that would be unheard of in a 50s gangster movie comedy. In the second chapter, Mutzie Feder, the ditzy high-school grad heroine, is brutally deflowered by her mobbed-up boyfriend. And that is just the beginning of her sexual degradation and the hands of the gangsters. That this story has a sweet romantic comedy screwball plot makes these scenes even more jarring.

Overall, I can't recommend this book because of the wildly clashing tones and themes. It aims to be a Pritzi's Honor type of satire, but the level of humor just can't be sustained.

I haven’t been reading that much non-fiction lately, but Citizen J by Pete Early caught my eye because I like true-life stories of espionage. The book details the career of Col. Sergei Tretyakov who was the second highest ranking spy in Russia’s UN delegation before he defected in 2000, long after the Cold War ended. The first part of the book details his rise through the KGB and its successor, the SVR, as a foreign field officer, first in Canada and then in New York.

The book is full of details about the methods of Russian intelligence agencies and how they dupe and trick officials into unwittingly or deliberately passing on classified information. Strobe Talbott, respected Russian expert and Clinton administration official, was a particularly valuable source, if not an actual spy. He also cites the myth of nuclear winter as advocated by Carl Sagan to have been particularly effective Soviet disinformation.

Among the revelations is that at one time two UN ambassadors from former Soviet republics were actually still-active Russian agents or informants. He also documents the way that a Russian SVR officer inside the Iraq Oil For Food program enriched cronies with hundreds of millions of dollars worth of shady deals.

It was the cronyism and kleptocracy of the Yeltsin and Putin eras that drove Tretyakov to betray his country. He was well rewarded for his defection but claims that money was not his motivation. He says he could no longer serve an organization that was so badly pillaging his motherland. A lot of the accusations in the book must be taken with huge blocks of salt because they are basically unverifiable. What can be taken as gospel is the in-fighting and treachery that takes place inside the Russian bureaucracy as they continue to try subvert and disrupt U.S. goals.

While we have declared the Cold War over as we take on The War On Terror, we must remember that we still have enemies elsewhere in the world.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Building A Museum



Washington DC has a lot of museums. A lot. One of the biggest ones in physical size is the National Building Museum. It sits several blocks off the Mall and is located in what used to be the Pension Building. The Pension Building was built in the 1880s as a central place to process Civil War veterans’ benefits. The huge open floor in the center was originally banks of desks and files. Nowadays, the building is a traditional site for the quadrennial inauguration balls.

For a huge building it’s a little light on exhibits. It has two permanent exhibits, one on building materials and one on the history of Washington, DC. The centerpiece of the DC exhibit is a pair of models showing how the DC Mall looked around 1902 and how it would look after the Mall as we know it was built. Looking at the model reveals subtle differences between the plan and the execution, but over a hundred years later, the general intent is the same.

The big temporary exhibit is a retrospective of Eero Saarinen, the architect behind Dulles Airport, JFK Airport’s TWA Terminal, and the St Louis Gateway Arch. The exhibit also includes examples of his furniture which is positively Jetson-like. Seeing all this 60s architecture and furniture was like walking through an Austin Powers set. For all the attempts to define the future, this branch of Modernism looks positively dated.

All the swoopy curves and bright white surfaces have a Tomorrowland feel. That future with flying cars and meals in pills that never quite arrived. It's amazing how forty years of time have dated a look worse than Art Deco or Gothic or even Neo-Classical. We now look back on this era and marvel at how new the future looked.



In the center of the building center was an activity inspired by the Gateway Arch. There were 21 numbered foam blocks. The goal was to stack them to form an arch. It looked easier than it was. If the blocks weren’t perfectly aligned, the arch would tip over and collapse. It took my dad and I to hold the blocks while my wife handed us blocks to add and even after that, it only stood unsupported for a few seconds before collapsing.



After exhausting the exhibits and the gift shop, we walked over to find my brother and his brood at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History. Here the Memorial Day weekend tourists were out if force. Crowds of visitors made walking through the exhibits nearly impossible.

So if you ever want a large quiet place to take in some history, give the Building Museum a try.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Stonehenge Snaps

Updated: 8:45 A.M.England006

During our trip to England, the weather was always a little dicey but the worst of it was the morning we went by Stonehenge on our way to Bath. When we arrived, the overcast weather had changed from misty to a windy driving drizzle if that is possible. As we walked along the path surrounding the monoliths, the rain soaked us while the wind popped umbrellas.

Most people’s reaction to seeing Stonehenge, much like seeing Angelina Jolie, is to notice how much smaller it is than they expected. I don’t know what they were expecting, but I thought it was plenty large. Too big to fit on a stage with David St. Hubbins and Derek Smalls. Part of that perception might come because you aren’t really allowed too close to the rocks. I imagine they are a lot more impressive if you are looking up at them rather than staring at them from across a field.

Rather than quibble with its size, I prefer to be amazed by its age. These stones, some weighing as much as fifty tons were moved over two hundred miles and set up like kids’ blocks. And they’ve mostly remained standing for a couple of thousand of years.

National Geographic just did a big cover story on the meaning of Stonehenge and their conclusion was “No one knows.” The Washington Post today has a story saying that it was a rich family's private burial plot. I still hold to the theory that it was landing lights for George Jetson to visit Fred Flintstone. Suffice it to say, the arguments will go on.

Since this was perhaps the one chance in my lifetime to see this five-thousand year old site, I was determined to get some photos despite the uncooperative weather. You can see one of my shots below:

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National Geographic is of course famous for its fantastic photography. Below is one of their pictures:


That is pretty much the same angle as mine only done with more talent and panache. Amazing what a couple of thousand dollars worth of equipment, carte blanche access, and cooperative weather can do. Ken Geiger, the photographer, explains how he got his amazing shots in this article. A lot of the special lighting was done by light sculpting during extremely long exposure shots. He used fifteen specialty flashlights that cost $400 each. Not something I have in my camera bag of tricks.

You can see more of my picture in this Flickr set. You can see National Geographic’s special on this ancient temple/graveyard/night club (one of the theories is that it was used for special fertility mating rituals) on the National Geographic Channel June 1st (check local listings, yadda, yadda, yadda). And maybe someday we will solve the many mysteries of Stonehenge. Like how Clark Griswold managed to knock them down so easily.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Impressive, or just a pile of rocks?