Sunday, May 07, 2006

Angelina Jolie Update: Still Hot

Way back in September, I named Angelina Jolie the Hottest. Woman. Ever. I was not exactly going out on a limb here. After all, Esquire had named her Sexiest Woman Alive, before mistakenly dethroning her for Jessica Biel.

Since then, the rest of the world has jumped on the bandwagon. The latest confluence is Angelina being named the top person and cover girl for People magazine's 100 Most Beautiful List. Brad Pitt is included parenthetically as a member of the Most Beautiful Family.

The rest of the list is full of astoundingly beautiful people, some famous, some up and coming. People previously obsessed over in my blog include Julia Roberts (in the euphemistically labeled Better Than Ever group), Natalie Portman (Most Beautiful 24-Year-Old), and Jodie Foster (Most Beautiful 43-Year-Old). There is even a section for maiesiophiliacs featuring Brooke Shields, Elizabeth Vargas, and Mariska Hargitay. Cover girl Angelina would also top out this category by default, athough one guy's website makes a case for Gwen Stefani. There are some notable omissions. Angelina's former rival for Brad's attention, Jennifer Anniston, is nowhere to be seen. And alas for all those poor people that find my site by Googling® "bradley cooper gay", my favorite failed sitcom star did not make the cut either.

Even more intriguing to me is that Angelina is also on the cover for Diva magazine's "We So Would" list. Diva is a British magazine that caters to a lesbian and bisexual woman audience. I forget who is on the rest of list, but it includes Gina Gershon and most of the cast of The L-Word. Now AJ has been a same gender fantasy since at least 2002. Still, for a woman pregnant by the most lusted after guy in the world, being named the top lesbian film icon is quite an accomplishment.

I'm trying to figure out for what demographic group Jolie doesn't make hearts skip. Maybe the readers of Bear Magazine (link NSFW) won't put her on the cover anytime soon, but that has got to be about the only magazine immune to her charms. There is even a website that catalogs her cover features. It needs some updating since it's missing the ones I have here as well as last month's eve, which is still on the stands here in the US.

The most astounding Angelina Jolie magazine appearance for the month is her inclusion in the TIME 100: The People Who Shape Our World. She isn't listed in the "Artists and Entertainers" section, but in the "Heroes and Pioneers" along with fellow Africa crusader Bono, as well as Elie Weisel and Al Gore. The illustration in the print edition is a near blasphemous depiction of Angelina as a Madonna. Somewhere in the last six months, AJ has gone from a very kinky girl to beatified world crusader. Her publicist (the one that must be owed a lot of favors by Time-Warner's magazine division) deserves her own magazine cover.

The Angelina Jolie juggernaut is steam-rolling ahead out of control. This orphan-adopting, brother-kissing, husband-stealing, knife-loving force of nature mesmerizes everyone who crosses her path. Maybe now is the time to jump ship before the inevitable fall from grace. We like to build up our celebrities just to push them over the cliff when we are done with them. Based on this latest round of hagiography, we are following the Angelina parade up a very steep precipice.


Mooselet said...

If stealing Jennifer Aniston's husband didn't put her on the "most evil" list - look at the whole Heather Locklear/Denise Richards debacle - then I'm not sure what she'd have to do to be pushed from that cliff.

Can I say I must be one of the only women in the world to not lust after Brad Pitt?? I don't see the appeal, honest.

Impetua said...

Okay, you got me. You've mentioned like every single female star I've ever lusted after in one single post. If anyone could have done it, yello, it'd be you...

As for husband stealing, well, if he didn't want to be stolen, he'd still be with JA. I've been on both bitter sides of this equation and you just can't blame it solely on the interloper. It will be a sad day for me (and others like me) when she falls from media grace and we have to google her for any decent pics.

As for AJ, well, not much more can be said about her. I'd certainly do her. But I can only lust about her furtively and pretend the Tomb Raider movies are more interesting than they really are just to watch her in snug little shorts etc.

Impetua said...

Whoops, something got messed up in my post. That bit about the fall from grace should have been about AJ, not JA. Mea culpa.

Your Mother said...

I'd spank her. And I don't swing that way. Whatever. she is hot. hot hot hawt!

kenju said...

I agree with Mooselet. Brad used to have appeal when he was younger, but the older he gets and the more sloppy he looks, the less I like his looks. I just don't see it anymore.

Michele sent me.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

I agree with Mooselet too. He just doesn't do it for me.

Impetua said...

I always thought he was kinda scrawny. About the only thing he has going for him is the fact that he gets to sleep with Angelina Jolie...

Anonymous said...

I dunno, I've always been kind of mystified about what makes given men kind of hot. Sometimes I can look at someone and say, "yeah, I guess he's good-looking" but most times I'm just baffled. Which, I suppose, makes me a heterosexual male. Or a not-especially observant one.

Nearly all of the women you mentioned? Yeah, I wouldn't kick 'em out, etc. Which makes me either fickle or rather catholic (small c) in my taste for women. You make the call.

barbie2be said...

i can't out of seeing Mr & Mrs Smith thinking "how could they NOT have had an affair?" i wanted to do her. i wanted to do him. i wanted to do them both together... and i don't even LIKE him.

trusty getto said...

Very frumpy, indeed ;)

Brendan said...

i myself would like to have sex with Angelina Jolie. Not just once, but hundreds of thousands of times.

Anonymous said...

The first time I saw her I thought she was one of the most gorgeous creatures I'd ever seen. I still do.

Anonymous said...

I'm not surpised the lesbian/bi crowd likes her. One she is sexy as hell, and two she has admited to a long term lesbian lover who has been in the press quite a bit lately.

Anonymous said...

I want to have Angelina's baby.

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