Thursday, November 06, 2008

Sarah Palin's Next Job

With the GOP in tatters, and a lot of campaign people now running around blaming everything on Sarah Palin, she is going to need a second career to fall back on. While she is still the governor of Alaska, judging by her per diem expense account, that is hardly a full-time job.

In the interest of public service, we need to come up with some jobs she can do that are within her skill set. Which seems not to include Vice-President of the United States. Here are some of my ideas:

Hostess at the Wasilla Ole Country Buffet. She does seem to have a winkin’ way with the old codgers that come in for the early-bird special, which this week is dead duck unvetted veeps.

Niemen Marcus Personal Shopper. She sure seems mighty handy with the credit cards when someone else is footing the bill. Of the many accusations flung at her, nobody has attacked her sense of style.

Geography Tutor. The Republican National Committee spent a lot of money teaching her which countries are in NAFTA (hint: face Russia and then turn around for one of them) and that Africa is a continent not a country. It would be a shame to let all that book-learnin’ go to waste.

Constitutional Scholar. She has some very unique theories on the role of the vice-president and the meaning of the First Amendment that she can develop further in a more formal academic setting. Perhaps as the Dick Cheney Endowed Chair of Political Studies at alma mater Matanuska-Susitna College.

Northern Exposure Remake Dialect Coach. We sure became enamored with that folksy accent she’s got. You betcha!

Plumber. Maybe Joe needs an assistant. Especially after he gets his license and buys that fictitious business he’s all enamored of.

Moose Hunt Guide. I’m contractually obligated to make at least one moose joke. It’s in the Sarah Palin Satire Handbook.

Bill Kristol’s Fact Checker. Good old Kristol Meth sure was smitten with how smart she was and he sure could use the help in that department.

With the economy in the tank and the Republican Party in disarray, it is the imperative that civic-minded citizens keep poor Sarah out of the unemployment lines lest she think presidential candidate is a career she’ like to pursue further.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Do your part and make some suggestions.


Anonymous said...

Author: Perhaps Sarah and her hubby can co-author a book on how to raise tough children, by giving them names that will guarantee lots of schoolyard fights.

yellojkt said...

Not to mention tips on how to prevent teen pregnancies. Perhaps Dina Lohan would write the introduction.

ProblemWithCaring said...

Fitness Instructor for the Juneau Curves(TM). We as Americans have never seen rock hard abs on a woman 8 months pregnant - a woman who as amazing as she deserves recognition. Also.

2fs said...

Dress her as a moose, hand her a shotgun, and put her in front of a large mirror.

Mooselet said...

Science teacher, since she's a big believer in Intelligent Design.

She could play in the remake of Fargo - that accent would go over a treat!

Librarian. We all know how much she loves books and magazines.


Oh, and watch the moose jokes buddy! :-)

A Free Man said...

Kristol Meth - that's pretty good. Looks like despite your questionable football allegiance you've got a good sense of political humor!

Thanks for your comment on my blog.

Anonymous said...

Last night on "Real Time", Bill Maher was trying to draw the line between "stupid" and "ignorant". His argument was that she's largely ignorant rather than stupid, and "ignorant can be cured." However, to be in one's mid-forties and willfully ignorant--well, that's just stupid.

Mooselet said...

To be in one's mid-forties, willfully ignorant andaccept the job as the potential VP of the United States--is there a word that denotes lower than stupid? My phrase was "dumber than a hamster" but I don't know if that captures it.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

As long as she doesn't try to go after Tina Fey's job until 2012 we're good. Anything to keep her out of the public eye!