Sunday, October 30, 2005

More Supreme Court Options

With Harriet Miers officially withdrawn from consideration for Supreme Court Justice, the selection process begins again. A few weeks ago I made some excellent suggestions for women more qualified than Harriet. Now many are calling for consideration of a minority person to fill the seat.

The nominee must be a judge with a strong reputaion and exemplary credentials. As a public service I have gathered several judges that meet this exacting standard. If you know George Bush or any of his cronies, please pass along these suggestions. They can't be any worse than the choice he made last time.

Judge Joe Brown
Minority: Daytime Television Celebrity
Advantages: Slogan "It's About Being A Man" would ring true.
Disadvantages: Only available for arguments at 4 pm on weekdays.
Judge Ito
Minority: Celebrity Trial Laughingstock
Advantages: High name recognition
Disadvantages: Jay Leno still has Dancing Itos on retainer.
Judge Dredd
Minority: Comic Book Character
Advantages:Law and order reputation makes Scalia look like a tree-hugger
Disadvantages: Weapons not allowed in court room.
Mike Judge
Minority: Comic Book Geek
Advantages: Fellow Texan to George Bush.
Disadvantages: Hearing Beavis constantly snickering, "He said 'penal'."

Update: I want to go on the record that this post complete with Judge Ito gag predates the nomination of Ale-ITO by at least twelve hours. Leno, Stewart, Conan, and you other guys that regularly steal my best bits can make a donation to the Planned Parenthood Going Out Of Business Fund in lieu of royalties.

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Beanhead said...

Great list..I myself was hoping for Judge Wapner...;)

Here from Michele's

trusty getto said...

I had a calculus teacher named Mr. Justice when I was in 12th grade. I think he would make a great SC justice.

If I had to pick from the above, tho, it would most certainly be Judge Dredd!!

Suburban Turmoil said...

You've got some great ideas here. Really, I don't understand how you escaped Bush's cabinet... ;)

Bonvallet said...

Yeah, I'm with Lucinda, you've got some great ideas here. Why aren't you up there with the big dogs?

Your Mother said...

I pick Dredd...I have no basis for this decision, much like Dubya

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