Tuesday, September 11, 2007

High School Nude-ical

Every generation thinks they invented sex, despite what all those frisky geezers could teach them. The latest victim of the hubris of presumptive novelty is High School Music star and Teenage Girl President finalist Vanessa Anne Hudgens. Somehow, a photo of her nekkid as a jaybird found its way to the internet.

It’s a hard way to learn the lesson to never have a picture taken you wouldn’t want your mother or potential employer to see. Astoundingly, and perhaps suspiciously, the authenticity of the picture was immediately confirmed and apologies were spread all around. Then more interesting questions started getting asked:

Who took the picture? The general graininess and flash flare makes me think this was a crummy camera with a self-timer set on a dresser. I doubt there was anyone in the room with her.

When was the picture taken? If it was before Vanessa’s eighteenth birthday last December, it would be technically kiddie porn. Since nobody is waving that flag, it must be within the past eight months or so.

Who was the picture for? Opinions here are split between current boyfriend and HSM costar Zac “Too Cute To Be Straight” Efron and Drake Bell of rival tweener network Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh. Zac in a well publicized beach romp with her must already be aware of how smokin’ her bod is. Drake is a rumored former crush and supposedly the recipient of previous advances. As a gentleman, he is denying everything.

Who leaked them onto the internet? The trail here is pretty cold. It could be someone with access to the camera it was taken with. Or it could be a friend of the recipient’s with access to his e-mail account. It could also all be a particularly puzzling publicity ploy since negotiations for HSM3 are still underway.

Is too big a deal being made of this? Most definitely. By sex scandal standards, this is astoundingly tame. Plain Jane nudity is almost quaint in this post-Paris world. We see more every time Britney Spears steps out of a limo. It almost makes Vanessa seem more wholesome. She doesn't have any tattoos or a Brazilian wax. She even took out her belly piercing for the photo. If anything, it shows that her budoir posing skills are every bit as wooden as her acting.

Am I a perv for hunting down this picture? That goes without saying. In my defense, it wasn’t hard to find and I was completely unaware of it until it made every entertainment news outlet ever. I'm not like the guy that found my blog by Googling “Jordan Todosey naked”. The Life With Derek costar has at least six years before her amateur cheesecake is fair game.

How creepy should I feel for thinking she is hot? Creepiness depends on age. Using the “half-your-age plus seven” guideline she’s off-limits to anyone over 22. Even by the more liberal “young enough to be your daughter” rule, I’m in hot water. My son is a senior in high school and actively dating. I just hope none of his girlfriends are sending him their private modeling sessions.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Vanessa Anne Hudgens - Naïve waif or shameless tramp?


Malnurtured Snay said...

Out of curiousity, I did a google image search for “Jordan Todosey naked” and found Baltimore Diary's blog.

2fs said...

I had no idea who "Jordan Todosey" even was - until that very phrase turned up in my Google Analytics in top-five searches that led to my site. My site, needless to say, has nothing to do with naked 12-year-olds. So obviously some asshole is doing something tricky - not sure how that actually works.

Anyway: seems to me the likeliest route to publicity is Hudgens e-mailing the photo (I agree w/you on the self-posing - I hadn't thought of it before) to a boyfriend...whose computer or e-mail wasn't secure, and someone else (roommate? service person of some type?) found it and copied it. Regardless, the fuss is ridiculous: she's legally an adult, and even if she was doing it only for her own use, who gives a rat's ass? Incidentally, I don't think it's pervy at all to admire the image: the half-plus-seven thing has to do with relationships - I don't think, uh, contemplating an image makes a "relationship."

But you know, this here be a nation of puritans.

Mooselet said...

Hardly a shameless tramp, but not quite naive waif. You'd have to living in a cave to not think about the possibility of a risqué digital photo ending up on the net, and doubly so if you have any sort of fame.

Besides, once upon a time poses like this were called art.

Mooselet said...

I can't comment on the pervy angle given I regularly post pics of half-naked rugby players who still have the suffix of 'teen' at the end of their age.

yellojkt said...

The "Jordan Todosey naked" hits are probably my fault. I complain about these searches in plenty of people's comments and then it shows up in their search histories. The more bothering aspect is that it seems to be a pretty common search. Jordan is not a household name. You have to be a fan of the tweener shows to even know who she is.

yellojkt said...

And we love you for it. I heard a news story about an Australian sports riot and recognized some of the teams.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

I was watching "Girls Next Door" the other night and they were planning the new Playmate of the Year party. I thought it was funny when she was showing her parents her prize-winning magazine layout and her dad was flipping through the pages. I tried to imagine whether he was proud, embarrassed or other. Hopefully not other.

Anonymous said...

Hah! I thought Snay was BSing me. I'd forgotten about your comment.

As far as Vanessa Hudgens, I put her more in the "cute" category than the "hot" one. And I think it's telling that the whole thing died down pretty quickly, and that Disney took it well.

On the other hand, there was clearly a major crackdown by someone's attorney because that pic is gone, baby. Posts are missing and the pic has been replaced by placeholders. My favorite is the website that kept the picture up but photoshopped a bikini on her.

Cedar said...

It took me forever to find this picture! I kept going to places where the pic has been deleted for whatever reason.

It looks like she took it herself on a cell phone or something. I don't really get it; why would she take it?

yellojkt said...

The latest story hints that she was only seventeen and that it was for Drake. Time to security wipe my hard drive.

Anonymous said...

I think everyon is making a huge deal out of this. Disney i a huge multi billion dollar corporation and if anything it will get pervertive adults to watch or buy disney movies. By the way I'm not some 40 year old man who has nothing better to do.

Anonymous said...

any more pics ???