Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Google Number One

National Blog Posting Month Day 13

I knew I would never make it through thirty continuous posts without resorting to some memes and gimmicks. Here’s one I found recently over at Impetua's blog. This is called the Google-Fu Meme:
I'd like to suggest a meme, where the premise is that you will attempt to find 5 statements, which if you were to type into google (preferably google.com, but we'll take the other country specific ones if need be), you'll find that you are returned with your blog as the number one hit. This takes a bit of effort since finding these statements takes a little trial and error, but I'm going to guess that this meme might yield some interesting insight on the blog in question. To make it easier, we'll let you use a search statement enclosed in quotations - this is just to increase your chances of turning up as number one, but if you happen to have a website with the awesome traffic to command the same statement without quotations, then flaunt it baby! Of course, once you find your 5 statements, pass the meme on to others
I don’t need quotes. There are several searches that, good or bad, lead to my humble blog.

Live by the foma. Through shear repetition, the Vonnegut quote I have in my sidebar has inched its way up over the years over all the Vonnegut quote sites to be number one. My dream would be to the number one pick for “foma” itself, but I have little hope of ever overcoming the Florida Osteopathic Medical Association.

Ted Forth. As the number one fan of the Sally Forth comic strip, my blog entries for that wacky slightly limp-wristed bundle of neurotic pop trivia known as Ted Forth are both the number one and two Google searches, ahead of the Wikipedia entry that I wrote as well.

Top 100 Cheesy Songs. My tribute to the worst number one hits of the 1970s is always gathering traffic from those seeking out the lamest songs ever recorded. Ironically, the post only lists 23 songs altogether. But they are truly awful.

VO5 commercial. This one is a complete shocker to me. About the time we were hosting a Chinese exchange student, a commercial was running set in a fictional Maoist school where true love and fine hair care products overcome tyranny and conformity. How I got enough links to this post, I don’t know, but if it is on the web, people will find it.

Jordan Todosey naked. I mentioned the twelve-year-old costar of Life With Derek way back in this post which included a throw away reference to another rival tweener show called The Naked Brothers Band. And then the perverts started Googling. I complained about it in the comments on other blogs and they started getting hits too. When I mentioned this phenomenon in a post that had a nekkid picture of High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens, the stars aligned. Not a week goes by that I don’t get a couple of hits from the true scum searching in vain for the celebrity kiddie porn motherlode. You won’t find it here, keep looking.

What these searches have in common except for my twisted attention deficited thoughts is anybody’s guess.

BlatantCommentWhoring™ (which is a number one Google hit if spelled as all one word, but only second when spaces are used): What GoogleSearch® is unique to you?


Alex said...

As always, myspace sucks yields me. As does mega fries and mega fries howto and mega fries how to ... I'm sure there are others, but I'd have to pull up Analytics to get them.

Anonymous said...

I don't know of any search terms where I'd come up anywhere near the top. When I look at my stats I see a few common searches that led to my site, but if I do the same search I'm not even on the first page.

Go Figure!

yellojkt said...

I just added the Google Webmaster Tools and that is how I found "VO5 commercial". I never would have figured that out on my own. Today it says I'm number one for office depot elf. That's because the elf is really from OfficeMax. those kinds of mistakes and typos are also good for high Google ranks.

Needles said...

I don't know how I missed your 70's song post. I know the words to all of these, which only goes to show you the state of radio in the 70's in Saskatchewan.

Elizabeth said...

blatantcommentwhoring (no spaces, with spaces you're number two.
:o) Elizabeth

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

You should be so proud. My single biggest hit comes from motorcycle hand signals because of that post I did last year. This stupid post keeps getting passed around to various motorcycle forums. During some of these postings I'll receive up to 100 hits a day - which does nothing more for me than fill up my stat counter. I think to date I've only snagged 2 regular readers as a result.

2fs said...

I can find only one: "random hoodlum under ninja archaeopteryx absquatulant renders zygotes in quail inferno" (the whole phrase, in quotes). Or at least, that will be one, once I put the phrase in my blog. (Today's CAPTCHA thingy is almost a real word: "icsectod." Either that or it's an Aphex Twin title.)

Anonymous said...

after being found last year, I'm paranoid now and I have a no robots txt file so my pages aren't indexed.
But, back in the day, I was the number one hit when searching vile teenager.

I'm posting annony because your comments get indexed and I think that is how they found me.

yellojkt said...

That is another Googlenope lost. Googlenopes might be a good filler post one day.

Sorry for blowing your cover.

Mooselet said...

Aside from my name, which bizarrely I get a lot of hits from and I can't figure out why, I'm #1 when it comes to "Skinfest", "Darren Lockyer shirtless" and "Tales from the Trip" - all without the quotes. I'm channelling Margo today so I wanted to add the quotes for emphasis.