Car Jack City

Tuesday morning I could have prevented a carjacking. Well, maybe. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

My bike had been in the shop for over a week and I was eager to go out for a ride. So eager I was willing to take it out in the pre-dawn hours before I had to shower for work. I have a front light, rear reflector light, and reflective vest, so I thought I was pretty well prepared. But the biggest scare of the morning was before I even started the ride.

Normally, I open the garage, set my bike in the driveway and take my water bottle in to be filled. This morning when the garage door opened I saw three people wandering up the street. This was just a little before six in the morning. The looked to be teenagers and were wearing the universal thug uniform of baggy white tee shirts. The high school bus comes around right about seven, so these kids were way early for that. I had no idea if they were local to the neighborhood since I exercise before the bus comes and leave for work long after it has come by.

Instead of putting my bike in the driveway, I closed the garage door and took the water bottle to the kitchen. When I opened the garage door again, the kids were now across the street leaning against my neighbor’s car and looking my why. Remembering that I didn’t have my phone on me, which I usually take with me on rides, I closed the garage door again and went back up to the kitchen to get it.

Since it was still pitch dark outside, I had to turn off the kitchen light to see if the kids were still there. They were. I had my phone in my hands ready to dial 9-1-1 when the wandered off to the next circle. I shook it off and went for my ride. A half hour later (still way early for the bus) one of the kids had been joined by a girl in a black shirt and they were lounging in the grass across from where the bus comes. The other two guys were up the street just loping along.

I told my wife about and told her to stay aware of anything suspicious. She asked if I had taken their picture. I kind of chuckled that off and said that it would have been too dark for that, but that sure was a good idea.

Then when we both left for work, we say sirens and police cars racing up and down the street. In the circle on the other side of the main road, we saw a guy talking to a cop. We went over to see what was happening. The guy was taking his two daughters to school when the kids came up to him and asked him for directions to the mall (which is a good seven miles away). Then they started swearing at him and told him to get out of the car. Fearing for his daughters he did that and they stole his car.

They didn’t get very far. The car was abandoned in the middle of the road one block away. Some other neighbor said they saw some kids run towards the woods. I told the cop at the stolen car that I had seen some suspicious kids early that morning. He told me to call in ANYTHING suspicious. He said he gets called by parents when their kids don’t want to go to school. It seems Howard County residents have a very low threshold for what qualifies as an emergency.

No one got hurt and the car got recovered. My wife assured the guy that this sort of crime is not common in our neighborhood. I’m convinced that had I taken my bike out of the garage with them still around, it would have been stolen or worse. Blog-buddy Claude had his bike stolen out of his garage earlier this summer. Another imaginary friend from the internet had a bicycle stolen from her car. While she was in it. They came up to her car with her and her kid in it and cut the straps of the bike rack and stole the bike.

If I had called the cops when I first saw these thugs loitering threateningly, that guy would not have been carjacked and he would still think Ellicott City was a safe place to raise a family. I try not to be paranoid but now when I see kids hanging out when or where they shouldn't be, I’m going to be far more careful and won’t hesitate to trust my gut instinct about what just isn’t right.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: What would you have done?

Sad Hokie

This Hokie is sad, not because he has been forced to wear a Georgia Tech baseball cap by a snarky traveling blogger, but because over 30 fellow Hokies have been senselessly killed.

Here in neighboring Maryland, yesterday's tragedy at Virginia Tech touches nearly everyone I know. We have all made headcounts and phonecalls and e-mails to be sure that our friends and family are still among us.

It becomes a bizarre version of the Kevin Bacon game as people check on those they know. In my circle there are:

• The friend of a coworker's girlfriend that lived in the dorm where the massacre started.
• The engineering student that is the older sister of my son's rocket club teammate.
• The daughter of my wife's former aide that works nights and weekends to afford her kid's out-of-state tuition.
• The son of my old boss folowing in the footsteps of his alumnus dad.

In a year or two it could be my son, or one of his friends.

We seem to be getting increasingly frequent warnings that complete strangers have too much say over whether we live or die. They strike randomly and unexpectedly. A few years ago I spent an afternoon in a park in Oklahoma City little kids used to play while their parents worked. My uncle spent an entire day covered in concrete dust as he made his way home after fleeing the World Trade Center. My wife has the rules posted in her classroom for what to do if another madman hiding in a car trunk decides schoolkids are fair game.

We are all but a stolen or borrowed gun and a few cents worth of ammunition away from where those Virginia Tech students and teachers and employees are now.

Can we know what drives men to take a gun or a truck or a plane and kill complete strangers?
Never for certain.

Can we make laws or teach classes that will stop these destructive bouts of insanity?
I doubt it.

Can we pray for the victims of these madmen that value their petty grudges or vengeful wishes over the lives of their fellow humans?
We must.

Brandy Britton, RIP

According to the Baltimore Sun, former University of Maryland Baltimore County professor and alleged prostitute Brandy Britton died over the weekend, apparently of suicide. A relative, presumably one of her daughters, found the body.

Since her arrest for soliciting a little over a year ago, the HoCo Hooker, as I have called Brandy on this blog, was the subject of intermittent press attention, much of it generated by her. The novelty of her situation, a middle-aged PhD turning tricks out of a quiet suburban neighborhood, made her an enigmatic case study in the sex trade. Every time a court date loomed close, a newspaper article with a few new slivers of information about her past appeared.

I chronicled these media mini-circuses with an ironic and sarcastic tone. My three posts about her case over the last year have made me the “I feel lucky” hit for “Brandy Britton”. When I read the preliminary online article about her death this morning, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had played some minor role in the misery that made her decide life was no longer worth living. I hope not. I have never met Brandy Britton or Alexis Angel, her hooker alterego, in person or online. We have no connection except as a topic on my blog.

To the best of my knowledge, Brandy never knew of my blog, but people that knew Brandy did. Many of them posted anonymous comments revealing details about the scandal at her last day job and about her troubled past. From context it was even possible to figure out who a few of them were. In the eight months since my Brandy’s Back post, over 250 comments turned the article into a virtual chatroom about her past, present, and future.

My blog never got any mainstream press attention, but within a day of me posting a link to a site rumored to be Brandy working under a new name, the site vanished from redirected traffic. That is more power than I ever imagined my blog to have. I don’t want that responsibility.

Suicide has always struck me as a particularly drastic option. Brandy was looking at misdemeanor charges with little chance of jail time. Her constant legal maneuvering seemed to be excessive in light of the pettiness of the charges. In some ways her arrest seemed the least of her troubles. Her second marriage was abusive and her scandal-tinged tenure at UMBC made her a pariah in her field. Without a steady income, legal or otherwise, the residence which served as her suburban bordello was foreclosed on. It was in this house that she ended her pain.

She had been scheduled for a new court date in February. She won’t ever face trial, but that doesn’t mean the ordeal is over. Death is never closure because it leaves behind all the other lives that have intersected with the deceased. Those demanding justice for Brandy having ruined their life or marriage will have to settle for this.

Prurient Google® searches for Brandy are a staple of my blog traffic. This latest development is bound to only make it worse. What started as a tawdry story with a local twist is no longer funny. I had no way of knowing that a year ago. I wish I had.

HoCo Hooker Update

Update (1/29/07): Brandy Britton committed suicide over the weekend according to a report by the Baltimore Sun.


My favorite blonde, D-cup, over-educated call girl, Brandy Britton, is back in the news. This time, against her lawyer’s recommendations, she is spinning her eye-rolling tale of how $300 an hour is a fair price for her ‘companionship’ to the Baltimore Examiner. She explains that the 150 condoms at her house were necessary tools in her research into HIV transmission vectors. She also thinks anyone without nine bottles of lube just isn’t enjoying sex enough.

If you will recall from my last post about her, she waived a judicial hearing for what is a fairly routine charge to get jury trial. Regrettably, my jury service is over, because I’d love to be on that case even if my blog would cause a mistrial. I know way too much about her and the case that I shouldn’t know.

According to an Examiner sidebar article, sleepy Howard County has made 52 prostitution arrests so far this year. Most of these probably involve truck-stop hookers and shady massage health spas, not a woman with a doctorate degree operating out of a soon to be foreclosed on $400,000 home (that is the appraised value, fair market worth would be much higher) on a sleepy Wisteria Lane-like cul-de-sac. She has already rebuffed one plea bargain offer.

Her latest version of events include paranoid tales of police persecution and harassment. While it does seem odd that it takes eleven cops to raid one two-story colonial for a middle-aged woman armed only with Astroglide, I doubt that anyone is now bugging her living room. Her latest court date has been delayed, this time apparently by the prosecution. The only other new press is a letter to the editor defending her based on the Examiner article.

Several things about this case still don’t add up. One mysterious critical event in her chronology is the short marriage to her legally-declared abusive husband, Isamu Tubyangye. During that time, the cops seemed more than familiar with her address, having to answer at least 27 domestic disturbance and other calls. How he plays into the legal and psychological dramas at UMBC is still confusing as well as exactly when Brandy turned on the red light as Alexis.

This low-life has seemed to vanish off the face of the earth after pleading guilty to assault twice and serving jail time for it. The Examiner article says that calls to his Florida home went unreturned. That means the reporter is paying no attention at all to the comments section of my blog, which clearly place him in Australia. If the reporter had been around for the two days before I deleted the comment, he could have jotted down the exact street address.

Which brings up the small community of BrandyHaters that have been sympathizing with each other as well as posting new information about Brandy and her ex-husband. My Brandy posts have brought out commenters that keep adding to the dialog long after most blog posts have closed shop. These folk have gotten so cozy together, I almost expect them to start trading recipes. While most of the parties post anonymously, there seem to be at least a half-dozen regulars. They include:

• The wife of her former boss
• The wife of a former ‘client’
• A close friend of her now-remarried first husband
• The former girlfriend and baby-momma of her second husband
• A friend of the second husband’s current girlfriend in Australia

Obviously, most of these people have a grudge or an ax to grind, but some of the links and research are interesting, if not likely to be admissible in court. For example, while most of Brandy/Alexis/whoever’s official websites vanish soon after I link to them, this page on an escort service site (NSFW, in case you need to be told) still has pictures from her Alexis days.

Prostitution is frequently referred to as a victimless crime. When a husband is spending thousands of dollars on a call girl, there are victims, just not the ones in the legal process. One commenter (perhaps the same one) also makes the point that sexually transmitted diseases from a sex worker are a risk to more than the john. Of course, this applies to any style of promiscuity, extramarital, commercial, or otherwise.

The story has a high titter factor, which is why the press and public (present company included) keep following it. But there are real victims and ruined lives littered in the wake of it. That is hard to remember when there is so much theater of the absurd surrounding this case.

As an aside, Luke Broadwater, the writer of the Examiner article calls Centennial High School “perhaps the best school in the best public-school district in the state” which means he agrees with my characterization of it as “the highest performing high school in the highest performing county in the state” when I first blogged about Brandy back in January. Just sayin’.

Blatant Comment Whoring™: None. This post will probably not have trouble attracting comments and there is enough whoring in Howard County going on without my contribution.

Dodging A Bullet

I got called for jury duty this week. Nobody likes jury duty. I have served on one jury way back when I was in college and it was a unique experience, but I was not eager to repeat it.

As I’ve mentioned before, Howard County is a pretty low crime area. We get maybe five murders a year as compared to Baltimore City where five murders in a week is a cause for celebration. Many counties around us have gone to one day/one trial pools, but the number of jury trials in Howard County doesn’t warrant that. Jury duty in Howard County puts you on call for a week.

Since Monday was Columbus Day, I got a pass for that, but I had to show on Tuesday. They made the appearance time 2 pm, which struck me as odd, but at least I got in a half day of work. They had called a pool of 81 people for a single trial. I was hoping it would be for Brandy Britton, the post-doc hooker, but her court date wouldn’t be until the 24th, so I was out of luck. I would have killed for the chance to explain to the judge why there was no way I could be impartial.

The defendant was accused of stabbing his girlfriend. He was a middle-aged scruffy looking guy and had worn a ratty denim jacket for his court appearance. The dozen or more witnesses were all either cops or medical personnel. Now I understand the whole “innocent until proven guilty” thing, but it didn’t seem it would be that hard to prove. When the judge said the trial would last three days, I got nervous in the service. I did not want this trial.

They asked a bunch of questions and we got brought up individually to explain our answers. I tried three gambits to make myself unappealing short of outright lying.

• I knew one of the witnesses. His son and my son both play saxophone in the high school band. They asked if that would affect my level of trust in his answers. No.
• I had been on a previous jury. It was nearly twenty years ago for armed robbery and I voted guilty. Hopefully this sour me for the defense.
• Economic hardship. My company does not pay me for jury duty. I am allowed to make up the time with overtime or take vacation. The judge thought poorly of this excuse and when about 30 people got sent away I wasn’t one of them.

Then the potential jurors got called up individually for selection. The defense struck about every other person and was up to candidate number 56 when the jury and alternates finally got picked. Since my number was 71, I was home free.

The selection went until 6:30 which meant we were the only people other than security and housekeeping left in the building. In the four hours I was there, I managed to get about two hours of work done, take a nap, and read a couple of magazines. They didn’t call me for the rest of the week, so I am home free for the next five years. Yay, me.

Blatant Comment Whoring™: Tell a jury duty horror story and I will tell the tale of my one and only trial next week.

Update (10/14/06): Here is the story of the trial I would have been on. The guy ambushed his wife and attacked her with a machete. A machete.

Also, the crime scene is about a half mile from my son's school and the attempted murder occured within an hour of me dropping my kid off for class.

Brandy's Back

Update (5/5/07): Brandy Britton was linked to accused Washington DC madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey on ABC's 20/20 according to Howard Kurtz's article in the Washington Post.

Update (1/29/07): Brandy Britton committed suicide over the weekend according to a report by the Baltimore Sun.


For several months since I first wrote "Really Desperate Housewife" about Brandy Britton, the Ellicott City woman who puts the PhD into prostitution, I have been waiting for the other shoe to fall. Brandy is the former college professor that got arrested at her house for soliciting under the name Alexis Angel. I blogged about it because of the very high snicker factor and the local area connection. It has also become one of my most popular archived entries, behind “Cute Baby Pictures”.

My blog post attracted the attention of at least one anonymous commenter very close to the situation that kept feeding me links and comments about the status of the case. She was the one that first alerted me that the charges against Brandy go to court this week.

It is surely no coincidence that a few days right before the case goes to court, the Washington Post in their Sunday Style section has an enormous article titled “The House With The Lights On” that gives a detailed but still incomplete picture of Dr. CallGirl. The only people quoted on the record are her mom, a former professor, and Brandy herself. Much of the rest of the article is based on court records and other information in the public domain.

A long section of the article details her running feud with the University of Maryland Baltimore County where she worked before a filing gender discrimination lawsuit, something she had done at an earlier job as well. In particular, her boss, Dr Derek Gill, is quoted third hand and never directly. This may have to do with ongoing litigation, but the Post is never shy about anonymous sources in their political reporting, surely they could have found someone to discuss her stay at UMBC that would explain why “many in her department had turned against her.” A bold claim presented with no supporting evidence. There doesn't seem to be any love lost there, somebody must be able to shed some light on her tenure, or lack thereof.

The Post article is as telling about what it hints at without ever saying it. It gives out the URL of her old site, but mentions a new site that may or may not be Brandy back in business under a new name. This newer site at The Cultured Comapanion: An Elite Escort Experience for the Mind, Body & Soul (link very Not Safe For Work (update: and now dead)) gives info for “Claire” that is very similar to the old “Alexis”. The Cultured Companion gives her stats as follows:

Physical & Demographic Details
Height: 5’9”
Weight: 125
Measurements: 38D (natural)-25-36
Hair Color & Length: blonde, shoulder length
Eyes: Green
Age: 32
Body Type: Athletic and Slender
Education: Post-graduate
Marital Status: Single
Ethnicity: Caucasian

She sure is proud of that natural D-cup. The only real difference seems to be that the new girl is about ten years younger than the old Alexis. The pictures on the website are also much more explicit and professionally done rather than looking like they were taken with a cameraphone in her living room. Claire is just as bright as Alexis/Brandy as the following blurb claims as well:

A UNIQUE COMBINATION OF BRAINS & BEAUTY

The Cultured Companion is a sexy, intelligent and passionate provider who truly enjoys her time with clients. She has long blonde hair, seductive green eyes and a tone yet curvaceous figure 38D-25-36 which is all natural. At nearly 5’ 9” her long legs are complimented by a smooth, olive complexion and full, sensuous lips. An athlete, cheerleader and dancer since childhood, Claire has continued her dance and athletic training and is extremely flexible and in excellent physical shape. She has modeled and been a pageant contestant.

The Cultured Companion is sophisticated, refined, educated and articulate. She holds a post-graduate degree from an elite university. She is a published author and a trainer for a variety of organizations. She is open-minded and analytical and at the same time sexy, seductive, playful and creative. Professional clients often say that they enjoy talking with her and that her intelligence, creativity and energy enhances their experiences.

The rates are about the same but now outcall services are available for the greater DC/VA/MD area. I guess since complaining neighbors were what got her in all this trouble in the first place, outcall is the way to go. The phone number on the website is a Virginia area code, so I’m not sure what that says except that maybe she is trying to be more discrete. I hope I haven’t blown her cover. She still insists on the paper–thin dodge that clients are only buying her time and companionship. $300 bucks an hour is expensive conversation and definitely not worth seven grand a week.

TOKENS OF AFFECTION
THESE DONATIONS ARE FOR TIME AND COMPANIONSHIP ONLY!

INCALL APPOINTMENTS
1 HOUR INCALL ~ $300
OUTCALL APPOINTMENTS
1 HOUR OUTCALL ~ $375
An additional travel fee may be charged for locations outside of the regular travel area
EVENING, OVERNIGHT AND TRAVEL COMPANIONSHIP
Dinner Date or Evening Out (5 hours) ~ $1,200
Overnight (12 hours) ~ $1,800
Overnight (24 hrs) $2,500
Weekend $4,500
1 Week $7,000
Weekends and Longer Periods of Companionship for Travel Are Also Available
Please email for details

The Post article tries to make a big deal that Brandy/Alexis was a madam because she offered “two-girl parties.” This shows a pretty remarkable level of naivete on the part of the writer for buying into police assertions that more hookers are involved. The “two girl” offer is similar to what the Duke Lacrosse team had at their infamous party. I doubt Brandy ever even got taken up on that offer since stripper services offer that at a much lower price. There is no evidence anywhere I know of that anyone other than Brandy answered the doorbell at Shirley Meadow Court.

The Cultured Companion, like Alexis, has an odd attachment to Greek culture, but now no longer explicitly charges extra for it. She has also expanded her offerings to include couples sessions at a slightly higher price.

There is still way more to this story than the papers have dug into. Hanging out a new shingle right before your court case is complete doesn’t strike me as a good business strategy. I’m not sure whether Brandy is trying to get publicity so she can write a book or become some sort of cause celebre for sex workers. It may be just that prostitution is her only marketable skill left. If so, why not publicize her new service a little more prominently? Let’s not be so coy. In words attributed to Winston Churchill and Groucho Marx, we know what you are, now we’re just negotiating price.

Update (5/26/06): According to the Baltimore Sun, her lawyer got a continuance on her case until August 8th, and Brandy seems to have successfully managed to avoid the paparazzi. The Cultured Companion website is now offline, which is a shame, since over 200 people have tried to surf to it from my site. I'm not sure how many were potential clients. Yes, I did archive some of the pictures from the site. No, I am not going to e-mail them to you. Go find your own porn.

Update (8/9/06): According NBC4, Brandy's trial has been postponed yet again, this time until October. This WJZ news story gives further details. It seem her lawyers have requested a jury trial which is scheduled for October 24. If you are a LostGoogler™ looking for prurient stories about hookers, try this one. If you just like my writing style, read some of my posts that don't have lascivious content by checking out either Best of 2005 or Best of 2006, Part 1.

Update (October 24, 2006): For my latest post on Brandy, see here.

Really Desperate Housewife

Update (1/29/07): Brandy Britton committed suicide over the weekend according to a report by the Baltimore Sun.

Last week a hooker got arrested in Ellicott City. It made all the local news channels. It was covered by the Baltimore Sun and the Washington Post. It has made national wire services reports. Why is it news? Because the woman is 41 years old, has a PhD, and was “working” out of her very suburban colonial house on a quiet residential cul de sac. Her name is Brandy Britton and Brandy does appear to be her real name since it is on all her NIH grant applications. Her hooker name was Alexis Angel. Not much of an improvement. I would have stayed with Brandy.

Howard County is a sleepy suburban community just outside of Baltimore but within commuting distance of DC. The per capita personal income is $45,000 a year, exceeding the national average by 50%. It pretty much defines the middle American suburban ideal. The primary selling point is the excellent school system (full disclosure: my wife works for it) which drives up the property values of the area.

Madam Professor, as one blog has already dubbed her, lives in a particularly desirable location because kids in her neighborhood go to the highest performing high school in the highest performing county in the state. The neighborhood is well established with wide sidewalks and huge shade trees. On the weekends, I frequently ride my bicycle right past her neighborhood completely oblivious to the pleasures that would await me if I just turned in and spun my tires for awhile.

Except she’s just a little out of my price range. Her published rate is $300 per hour or $1500 overnight. The undercover cop that busted her was told to leave $400 on the dresser. He must have pre-negotiated some additional services. That’s a lot of money. Ironically, the same day, the Post ran an article next to this story stating that the going rate in the predominately Hispanic neighborhoods of adjoining Montgomery County is $30 for a 15 minute window.

So what makes her worth three Benjamins a throw? According to her very not–safe-for-work web page, she’s blond, 5’8, 135 pounds, and a natural 38D. She underplays the 41 years old part. And did I mention she has a PhD? She sure does. She got one in Sociology from the University of California at San Francisco and was working at a local college until she was involved in some sort of work dispute there.

Which leads into the “why turn tricks?” question. Easy. To pay the mortgage. She’s divorced, unemployed, and lives in a house she bought in 1996 for $256,000. The house is currently appraised at 400 grand, and knowing that neighborhood, the tax appraisal is well on the low side. It is getting very tough to find any single family homes in Howard County for less than a half-mil, especially one in her prime location.

I can’t wait for this media frenzy to really get going. White middle-aged upscale call girl is a ready-made topic for any of the daytime talk shows. I smell magazine articles, Dateline stories, maybe even a Lifetime™ movie-of-the-week. Remember you heard about her first here. And I will keep you updated. Trust me on that. Ellicott City doesn’t have much crime, but what it does have sure is fun to watch.

Update (5/21/06): The Washington Post ran a long article on Brandy and I post some new information here.

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